Dear Holden,
FINALLY, at just over 15 months old, you
walk! It is very zombie-like, and not steady at all, but increasing in
frequency pretty quickly. I am not sure who is more proud – me and Daddy, your
sisters, or you! You always have this beaming smile on your face as you toddle
around the room, and almost seem to be saying “DID YOU SEE THAT?!” It’s immensely
endearing, as is just about everything else that you do.
A couple of weeks ago you started daycare
for the first time, as I got a new job and entered back into the workforce.
It’s our first time being separated for any length of time, and man oh man – do
I ever miss you and your chubby cheeks and happy yells and super-firm hugs. I
am thrilled to be working again, and am enjoying my job, but nothing compares
to the time I get to spend with my babies. I never pictured myself as a
stay-at-home-mom, and in fact was always firmly in the ‘never, not me’ camp.
Until I had you. Maybe the time I spent with you (and your sisters) these past
fifteen months showed me how enjoyable it really can be – difficult,
absolutely, especially once you become outnumbered! – but also pretty damn
amazing. I feel sad that I won’t ever get the chance to spend so much time with
you all again (for real this time! Baby-factory is closed!) I feel sad that my
work is far away and that it means long days for you all in daycare (which you
all enjoy immensely, but still). I feel sad that the time we do have together
during the week is rushed – getting ready and getting out the door on time, or
getting dinner on the table and the rush of baths and bedtimes. I feel sad that
the weekends are really the only quality time we have. But oh how I look
forward to Saturday mornings now – lazing around in our PJs, snuggling,
watching you play with your sisters and giggle and toddle around in your footed
sleepers.
It is such a joy to watch you become a
full-fledged toddler – using more words (uh-oh and no are your newest
acquisitions), trying to sing along when your sisters sing, the walking of
course, playing games like peekaboo, blowing kisses, waving bye-bye while you
yell Dada as Daddy leaves for work. I am thrilled that you are loving daycare
(you have formed quite an attachment to your teacher, and vice versa,
particularly since you are currently the ONLY infant in the program!) – you get
some one-on-one attention, but also get to play with the bigger kids often
(including your sister of course). I can’t wait to see what new and exciting
things you learn there. In the meantime, I’ll revel in the time we do have
together, and feel grateful for the chance to reconnect with you each evening
as we snuggle and read stories and I nurse you to sleep. Just don’t grow TOO
fast ok sweetpea?
Love,
Mama
