Happy 1st Birthday Alexis!

My darling Banana-Lex,

Happy Birthday! It's hard to believe it's been an entire year since you graced us with your presence - on the other hand, it feels like you've always been a part of our little family. It has been such an immense pleasure watching you grow this past year - from a squeaky, tiny, helpless newborn to a feisty, laidback, funny, sweet little girl... what a gift you are. Your sister is madly in love with you, even if you bug her sometimes (common refrains heard here "Mommy, Lexi is biting me! Mommy, Lexi is pulling my feet! Mommy, Lexi is pinching me! Mommy, Lexi took my monkey!") - despite how annoying you can be to her, she dotes on you in a way that warms my heart. I am so happy we've given the gift of sisters to each of you - I love watching your relationship change and grow.

Every mother, when pregnant with her second baby, goes through feelings of doubt "what did I just do to my first baby... how can I EVER love another child as much as I love my first?" But all of the cliches really are true. My love has multiplied and expanded in a way I never thought possible. There is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that I love you and your sister more than anything else in the entire world - it's amazing how much capacity the heart holds. I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you, but I didn't really 'know' you... it's been such a joy to learn your ins and outs this year... what you love, what makes you mad, how to soothe you, what makes you laugh, the little sweet faces you make when you sleep, the way you snuggle in and stick your hand up my shirt when you nurse, the way you eat, the way you smile, the way you chase the dog and pull the cat's tail. I love knowing you, inside and out.

You currently have 7 teeth, and 4 words (hi, mum, dada, 'dat'). You aren't walking yet, but are standing unassisted more and more often and attempting to climb everything you can find. You aren't sleeping through the night, although I hope that's coming soon! You eat a huge variety of foods, but aren't too fond of eggs or tomatoes for some strange reason. Your favourite toys currently are a little mini car-driving game, mega blocks, the toy kitchen, and stacking cups. You love music and dancing and singing along with whatever your sister happens to be watching.

I am so blessed to have you, and so thrilled that you are happy and healthy and thriving. I couldn't ask for anything more, and I cannot wait to see what the next year, and beyond, holds.

All my love,

Momma (or as you'd say, Mumumum)

Alexis - 11 Months Old

Dear Alexis,

You have your first word, yay! You've actually probably been saying it for a while now, but it's SO hard to tell what's just babbling and what is said with actual purpose and intent. But the other day, your Daddy came home from work and as usual, you crawled at breakneck speed down the hallway to greet him. He said "Hi Alexis!" and you beamed and waved and said "Hi!" back! Over and over and over again! We've been testing you, and yep, you really mean HI when you say it. So unbelievably cute, and totally indicative of how much of a little social butterfly you are.

In other news, you start daycare full time next week, as I have to go back to work on Monday. You had only your second visit at daycare yesterday (unattended by me), and you were a rockstar! You cried when Daddy dropped you off (and when I picked you up), but that's totally normal and to be expected for a while. But you stopped crying quickly, and got into the swing of playing with your new little friends happily - you ate a big breakfast, and the best part, you even went down for a nap without a peep! I knew you'd do awesome - you are this amazing combination of feisty and devilish and active, while being very easygoing and laidback and happy. You are such a joy to be around - you make the whole world smile around you. I'm going to miss you so much, but I know you'll be having a blast playing with your sister all day.

Love,

Momma

Mercedes - 3 Years Old & Alexis - 10 Months Old

To my Princesses,

I missed the whole month of March, oops! Things are always hectic, particularly since you two seem to want to go in opposite directions. I LOVE being at home with the both of you, but man, it's exhausting! I can hardly find the time to shower, let alone write in your journal.

But I wanted to take this opportunity, before I go back to work in just a couple of weeks, to thank you both for the past year. It's had its ups and downs, there have been tears (from all of us!), a lot of sleepless nights, whiny tantrums, injuries, injustices, yelling (more than I'd like to admit), frustration, anger, overwhelming helplessness, illness... etc. But there have also been tears of joy, heart-melting moments, kisses, hugs, snuggles, laughter, milestones met, new things learned, unshakeable bonds formed, and an overwhelming amount of love.

I not only fell in love with you, my sweet Alexis - birthing you, breastfeeding you, cuddling you while you slept on my chest, snuggling you in our big bed at night, sitting up with you while you were sick, watching you grow and learn and discover all those wonderful things babies discover in their first months.

But I also re-fell in love with you Mercedes, my lovely big girl. Having this second chance to spend extra time with you has been amazing (frustrating and exhausting at times, but amazing). Taking you to gym class and 'math' class and playdates... doing crafts and baking and going on long walks and reading and doing puzzles and playing catch. I loved the time we spent together in your first year of course, but having this chance while you are older is something special and unique that unfortunately, I won't ever get with Alexis.

And most of all, I've loved watching you fall in love with each other. There is nothing like the looks you two give each other, the giggles you two share, the smiles you greet each other with. Of course, there have been bumpy patches in your relationship also - fighting for my attention, being told you aren't allowed certain things, and more recently, a biting baby sister who tries to steal her big sister's snacks. But in general, you two love each other so much that it makes MY heart hurt with how happy it makes me.

I can never get this year back, and I know that when I'm back at work things will be hectic and overwhelming and we won't get as much time together. But I'll always have the memory of how special it has been, and how much I've learned - both about my amazing girls, and about myself as a mother. I love you Mercedes, and I love you Alexis. My shining stars, forever.

Mercedes - 3 Years Old!

Dear Mercedes,

Happy Third Birthday my big girl!! It's hard to believe that three whole years have gone by - your life has flashed by in an instant, but at the same time, it's hard to believe you haven't been in our lives forever. You are such a delight... minus the tantrums, the whining, the sleep issues... but even those hard moments make you the little person that you are. Your vocabulary is astounding, and you have the best, funniest, most amazing conversations with us. You make jokes, you give great hugs, you are affectionate and loving with your sister and with Duke, and with us. You have these wonderfully long arms and legs and giant feet, which we affectionately refer to as 'clodhoppers'. You insist on being half-naked most of the time - ditching your socks and your pants almost immediately upon walking in the house. You have the same addictive personality as your father - when a show or a snack catches your fancy, you insist on it over and over and OVER again. You try to bargain with us daily for more snacks, more shows, more stories, and you try to resist bedtime like there's no tomorrow. But we love the nighttime cuddles with you, and we are enjoying this wonderful age of discovery, ups and downs and all. You LOVE to sing songs and you are slowly learning how to recognize the alphabet. You can count to 15 or so, and are getting great at recognizing your numbers from 1-10. You absolutely ADORE going to 'classes' - currently we are doing a 'math' class at the Ontario Early Years Centre, as well as Kindergym, and you are full of enthusiasm for both! I can't wait to see you in school in a year and a half - I just know you will love it!

I am so proud of the wonderful little person you have become and I can't wait to see what the future holds for my bright little girl. We love you so much Princess.

Love,

Mommy

Alexis - 8.5 Months Old

Dear Alexis,

You have two teeth! Yay!

Your lower right central incisor (common first tooth) and your upper right LATERAL incisor - a little out of order for a 2nd tooth, but you've always been a trouble-maker haven't you?? ;) Both are just BARELY cut, but perfectly explain the random evening screaming you've been doing lately when you should be sleeping. I have a feeling some more are on their way too... I'm going to miss that gummy smile.

Love,

Mommy

Mercedes - 35 Months Old

Dear Mercedes,

You are nearly three years old and your vocabulary and comprehension of things astounds me every day. You have the most wonderful conversations with the people around you, ask inquisitive questions, and have an amazing memory for fine details!

You say things that surprise and delight us and make us laugh and cry. Here is a sampling:

Me, to Alexis: I love you so much my baby girl!
Mercedes: Well, Mommy, she's not YOURS, she's MY sister. And MY baby. So you have to share Lexi with me, ok?? It's not nice to not share. She's MY baby.

Mercedes, while watching a Dora episode: Mommy, do we have a family?
Me: Of course, we are your family!
Mercedes: But I don't have a Boots.
Me: No, but you have Duke.
Mercedes: Yeah, Duke is my family, I love Duke. And Rusty. But where is Bruiser?
Andrew: Bruiser had to go away. He was very sick. But he loved you very much.
Mercedes: Yeah. He did. I love Bruiser too.
Me: *tears*

Me: Mercedes, who is your best friend?
Mercedes: Lexi is my best friend ever!

Driving in the car with Mercedes this afternoon:
Mercedes: Oh Mommy, there is a car coming, I'm scared!
Me: Don't worry, I see it. I always protect you don't I?
Mercedes: Oh don't worry, I don't need you to protect me, I can protect myself. All I do is close my beautiful eyes and I feel better.

And later... to a not-so-fast minivan:
Mercedes: Come on grey car, MOVE. Jesus, you're slow grey car.

Mercedes' new favourite way to tell me something important: Mommy, I'm just going to tell you a question okay?

Alexis - 8 Months Old

Dear Alexis,

Last week was a difficult one for you. Last weekend, you threw up a couple of times and started having the most DISGUSTING poops ever. Fun, I know. We stopped feeding you all solid foods and just tried to get as much fluids (i.e. breastmillk) into you as possible. Your big sister was sick with a cough/cold at the same time, but thankfully no one else caught your tummy bug. You exploded out of your clothes with every single poop, necessitating many outfit changes and a ton of laundry. But we kept a careful eye on you to be sure you were still seemingly hydrated - crying real tears, peeing also, soft spot looked okay, etc. You were still alert and happy and sleeping well, and non-stop moving of course.

And then on Monday night, we took you to the hospital :( You had a big vomit, and then immediately started seeming lethargic. You weren't moving around much, you were vacantly staring into space, and perhaps most telling, you refused to smile, even at your father! We immediately packed you up and took you in. I admit, I panicked a bit - I probably should have thought of just getting you some Pedialyte on my own, but I wanted the doctors to look at you to be sure. A whole bottle of Pedialyte later, you were smiling and charming all the nurses and the other patients in the department.

You've been slowly improving since, and last night we finally reintroduced some solid food to you again, which you ate with gusto! I am so happy you are feeling better - nothing is scarier than seeing you tiny baby sick and worrying that something serious could happen.