Holden - Happy 4th Birthday!

Dear Holden,

Tonight, we will put a three year old to sleep for the very last time (ever!) - and at exactly 7:42 am tomorrow, Christmas Eve, you will become four. It's hard to imagine that four years ago right now, you were still snug and warm inside the safety of my body. I had no idea your arrival was so imminent - on the 23rd of 2012 we relaxed, hung out with your sisters, and watched Christmas movies (most notably Elf, right before I went to bed that night). I don't think I can ever forget going into labour with you; being surprised by my water breaking first, marvelling at your relatively quick and easy birth, and amazed at how gigantic you ended up being! Labour and delivery is such a momentous occasion, that it's difficult for any mother to forget even the more minute details. What I struggle with more is trying to recall all of the mundane, every day moments since then. I remember the big moments of course - what it felt like to see you smile for the first time, or walk, or how you used to go crazy when I was changing your diaper and handed your pants to you. I remember how smiley and happy you were as a baby, and how your curly hair grew to match your impish dimples. I remember how much you used to be mesmerized by Toy Story and how you obsessed over cars (still!). I remember how you practiced putting everything in your lunch bag before the first day of school, and how you looked when they wheeled you out of surgery, your lips all swollen and bruised from being intubated.

But of course, there are thousands and thousands of moments in between - moments that I wasn't even there for, moments that I don't remember, moments that I probably don't really want to remember. The days are long, but the years are short and all of that. People say it, but it's true. At the end of some days your father and I feel helpless and frustrated and exhausted, and other days we want to wake you all up after you are already asleep in order to snuggle you some more and tell you how much we love you. The busyness of life, the stress, the ordinary everyday tasks... sometimes these things are overwhelming and keep us from enjoying the small things. But when you smile at me, when you give me a big hug, when you giggle with your sisters, when you spontaneously say "Mama, I LOVE you," everything becomes crystal clear. There is no place on earth I'd rather be than here with my family, and no greater love I could ever feel. I am so thankful that we were blessed with your unexpected presence, and grateful that we get to be your parents.

Thank you for the past four years and for your endless charm, funny antics, your enthusiastic hugs, and your ability to fall asleep anywhere. I say it every year, and it remains true: You are everything we never knew we always wanted. Happy 4th Birthday to my favourite Christmas Baby!

Love,

Mama

Holden - First Day of JK

Dear Holden,

Last week, you officially became a school-age kid! It’s hard to believe that my little boy, my sweet baby, is off to school full-time. Of course, you have been in a daycare centre full-time since you were 15 months old, but it’s just not the same. The ratios are different, we don’t have regular communication with your teachers on pick-up every day, you have to bring your own lunch and fend for yourself, there are no naps to be had, etc. It’s the big time! I will admit, I was a little worried earlier in the summer, as you didn’t seem any closer to having this whole ‘poop on the toilet’ thing figured out (despite being 100% pee-trained), and the idea of not napping daily spelled disaster, for all of us. These are the times when I cursed having a late-December baby, knowing you would be the absolute youngest kid in your class (every year for the rest of your life) – the differences in maturity even out a lot as you get older, but there is a HUGE difference between a three and a half year old and a four and a half year old, and I was worried that you would suffer for it.

However, in typical Holden fashion, you managed to sort everything out in the nick of time. Something happened to you over the past month or so – obviously, it was a cognitive leap of some sort, but you managed to not only poop-train yourself, but ditch the pull-ups at night as well! You stopped napping at daycare literally a week before school started, and while it makes for some cranky evenings, you are still handling things well. You practiced opening lunch containers, and packing your bag, and putting on your indoor shoes. You visited your JK class the day before you started and found a friend from daycare would be with you; you played in the house centre and talked with your teachers and explored the classroom.

And then on Thursday morning, you walked off hand-in-hand with Lexi, with a huge smile and nothing but excited anticipation because, as you told me repeatedly, you were a big boy now. It made my heart sing to see you approach this new phase of life without any hesitation. Of course, a huge part of that excitement comes from being in a class with Lexi. What is there to be nervous about when you have your beloved big sister showing you the ropes? And whatever she tells you to the contrary sometimes, she is excited to have you there also. But the other part of that excitement is something only you can take credit for – for being the enigmatic, charming, smiley little boy that you always are. With a zest for life, and a desire to make people laugh, and an easy-going personality (most of the time anyway), you are clearly ready for school and all of the joys that it will bring. I can’t wait to see what this year, and all the years after, hold for you.

All my love,

Mama

Exciting Accomplishments

To all of my children,

The month of May has been a productive one for our family! All three of you have done interesting, exciting, creative things and I am so proud of it all.

Mercedes – at the beginning of May you performed in your school’s performance of Go Fish, an amusing musical about acceptance and inclusivity and being yourself. We loved it. Your father worked diligently to create a crab costume for you while I was away in China for work, and you were so proud of his efforts. You were not shy on stage at all, and were so excited to participate with your friends. It was a pleasure to watch you leave your comfort zone and shine.

Holden – also at the beginning of May, you had your Welcome to Kindergarten orientation session. Much like your big sisters before you, you were a little hesitant, a little shy (at least you all come by it honestly), but warmed up by the end in order to have a blast and get sufficiently excited about your upcoming venture into ‘big boy school.’Of course, the highlight for you was getting to ride a school bus, which you won’t actually be doing next year, or any year, but I am glad that it got you excited about the adventures to come. You still seem SO little to me, but of course, you are not even three and a half yet, and will therefore be THE youngest kid in your class (likely forever!) – but I know you will do just fine. You’ve thrived in daycare, and you have the beauty of having the best examples in your older sisters. I am not sure who will cry more on your first day of school, you or your Mama.

Lexi –This past weekend was your dance recital, which was a wonderful, highly endearing culmination of nine months of hard work practicing your dance routine. I have been the one taking you to almost all of your dance classes (including your dress rehearsal on stage in full costume, on Friday night), so I had seen the routine MANY times. But nothing compares to seeing the real thing, with your make-up and your hair, and the stage lights. I will admit it, I cried. To see you up there, so small and sweet and sure of yourself and your dance steps, concentrating and watching the teacher’s assistant, and best of all smiling, was an amazing experience for me. It brought back so many memories of me on stage during my own dance recitals many years ago. I really truly loved dancing (ok, I still do!), and the buzz of energy that surrounds recital day is a powerful thing to be a part of. I really hope that you continue with dance, because you seem to really enjoy it, and you have a natural rhythm that not everyone has. But of course, what I want for you most of all is to be happy – and if that means not doing dance, I will be okay with that too J No matter what, I will always treasure the memory of watching you shining on stage for those two minutes on Sunday – I hope you manage to also.

To all three of you – I am so proud that as you grow older, more and more of this fun stuff gets to happen. When you are babies, it’s all about milestone moments – some big (Walking! Talking! Potty training!) and some small (Holding up your own head! Sitting up! Sleeping a few hours straight!). But as you grow, the moments that mark our memories seem to grow too. And it is a joy to witness them.

Love,

Mama

Happy 5th Birthday Lexi-lou!

Dear Lexi,

This weekend, you turn five years old. Five seems like such a significant age to me – no longer a little kid, but so much closer to a big kid. You have absolutely thrived this past year in Junior Kindergarten – making new friends, finding your voice, learning to read (yesterday your teacher sent home a Level C book, along with a note that she was so proud of you, and how you were reading with an SK group! In fact, a volunteer in your classroom told me a couple of weeks ago that you were the most advanced JK reader in the class).

While you have grown and matured (physically and mentally!), which is a pleasure to watch, your personality remains the same. You have always been this wonderful mix of feisty and easy-going, princess and hurricane, rough-and-tumble in a party dress, sweet and sassy – and we love you for it. 

You insist on wearing pretty dresses most days, but come home from school absolutely covered in dirt and mud and grass and leaves. You climb trees and run laps and dig through dirt and collect snails, but love watching Barbie and tween music shows and wearing an insane amount of sparkly jewellery, with painted nails and lipstick on. Your voice hasn’t changed, and your gorgeous curly hair continues to grow and amaze all the people around you. You say you don’t like your curly hair, and love when I straighten it, which breaks my heart. I know the feeling of wanting what you don’t have (I always wished my hair was straight when I was younger too), but your hair is so special and unique and fun and it makes you who you are. I hope you don’t insist on straightening it daily when you get older – I want you to embrace it just like you embrace the rest of your personality, just like all the people around you love and cherish every last bit of you.

Happy birthday my feisty little hurricane – thank you for always glowing brightly and being the best snuggler, teeth-brusher, tree-climber and grumpy-face sleeper around.

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - Happy 7th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes,

This past weekend you turned seven. Happy birthday! For some reason, I often still picture myself as a mother of ‘little’ kids; probably because we’ve been in the trenches of baby/toddlerhood so long that it’s hard to picture NOT being in them. But then I stop and realize just how grown up you are rapidly becoming. The reading, the writing, the reasoning and math skills, the increasing independence, the lost baby teeth (4 as of this week!)… it all adds up to one incredibly thoughtful, considerate, funny, witty, beautiful girl. Not a baby. Not a toddler. Not even a little kid. You are so quickly on your path to becoming a big kid, and it both thrills me and breaks my heart a bit.

I love having increasingly complex, intelligent conversations with you, and reading real novels, and listening to you discuss the things you are learning in school (last week you created your own company logo and painted it on a t-shirt – Mercedes’ Fairy Store – for your media unit). I love that you take care of your brother and sister; letting Lexi go first with a show, or allowing Holden to convince you to play Lego early on a Saturday morning, despite your desire to stay snuggled under the covers. I love playing games with you that are slightly more challenging; Mastermind and Life and Uno (with the actual rules, not kiddie rules!).

You are such a delight to us all – writing your own stories, telling jokes, playing with your friends, clearing the dinner table, enthusiastically doing your homework, and always smiling. We love seeing your personality develop – creative, thoughtful, sensitive, observant, kind, and so intuitive sometimes it takes my breath away.

Thank you for being you. And thank you for always teaching us how to navigate the next stages of our relationship together. We love learning how to parent a big kid, just as much as you seem to love becoming one!

Love,

Mama

Happy 3rd Birthday Holden!

Dear Holden,

Happy birthday! It’s hard to imagine that three years have passed since we first met. It’s been an amazing three years – full of ups and downs but every minute has been worth it. We’ve watched you grow and mature into the sweetest little boy I’ve ever known. We’ve seen you learn to walk and talk; we’ve watched you fall in love with your sisters, and make friends, and witnessed you figuring out how to tell a joke or do something cute to make everyone around you laugh. We’ve held you as you’ve cried, sighed in frustration as you’ve thrown temper tantrums, and tended to you when you were sick. We’ve taken you to countless appointments at the ear nose and throat specialist, and the pediatric asthma clinic, and been there as you recovered from your first (and hopefully only!) surgery.

Every day you change and grow a bit more – come up with new words, tell new jokes, make new observations (grow out of your shoes or your pants or your socks…). And every day we feel blessed that you have completed our family. I said it in your birth story, and it’s something I think about often: You are everything that we never knew we always wanted. We never envisioned being a family of five, and couldn’t really picture what it would be like to have a little boy running around. But when you burst onto the scene, you captured everyone’s hearts. Your smile, your dimples, your curly hair, you impish little voice. You are sweet and funny and cuddly and loving and mellow and mischievous, all rolled in to one adorable package.

You still LOVE cars (and trucks and trains and fire trucks and garbage trucks and police cars and motorcycles) and anything Lego. You love Star Wars action figures (thanks Daddy) and think that anything Paw Patrol is like striking gold. You love dinosaurs and dragons and playing with bikes. You love snuggling and ‘reading’ us bedtime stories and playing with the cat. You absolutely adore your big sisters, and even tell Mercedes regularly that she is your best friend. You like telling us all about your days at daycare (which friends you played with, what games you played) and anything Spiderman.

In short, you are a very typical, but wonderful little boy, and one that we could never imagine our lives without. Thank you for bringing so much joy to our family Holden John. We are all better people for it.

Love,

Mama

Lexi - Junior Kindergarten

Dear Lexi,

Last week, you began your full-time school journey. On Wednesday, we went for a one-hour ‘meet the teacher’ sessions, where we got to see your new cubby, explore your new classroom, play at some of thestations set up, and get to chat with your teachers a little bit. We already knew your teachers of course, because they were Mercedes’ teachers last year. Which I am super-thankful for, since they are a FABULOUS team. They are caring and thoughtful and encouraging and place a very high emphasis on fostering independence and outdoor education (making full use of the outdoor classroom, the forests and trails surrounding the school, etc.) You will have an absolute blast with them – Mercedes did, and I know that you will be the same. You were nervous to go for that one hour meeting, but by the end of it you didn’t want to leave! I was happy but still not very optimistic that your first days would be tearless (and I was right).

On Thursday morning, I had to drop you off to the Before School program, which unfortunately was not agreeable to you. Mercedes is also in the program of course, but being two years older she is in a different classroom during Kids Club. The kindergarten students are placed in the actual kindergarten classrooms (your Kids Club class is actually IN your daytime class, which hopefully makes the daily transition a little easier in the long run). However, on Thursday and Friday last week, she had to come and spend time with you in your class to help ease you in (which of course, she relished – she loves beinga helpful big sister). On Thursday (the first day) you came home and said you cried all day and that you were “ZERO excited” to go back the next day, which broke our hearts a bit of course. I know how rough it is to be in a new place, with new teachers, a new routine, new peers… it would be daunting for me, let alone a four year old! But by the end of Day Two, you came home proudly exclaiming that you “had a gooder day today!” and that you had made a new friend and that now you LOVE school.

This morning’s drop-off was still a little tearful, although thankfully I was able to distract you from the idea of Mercedes joining your before-school class again. I have to keep reminding myself that for the entire past year and a half of daycare, you have always been dropped off WITH Holden (likewise, Holden cried for you last week, since he is used to sibling back up as well). It is a big adjustment to be left alone in a new class, on top of all of the other adjustments you are trying to make.

So while it makes me sad, it also warms my heart a bit to see how much you all love each other. I know you fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but fundamentally, I think that the three of you absolutely worship each other. So much so, that we’ve agreed that you and Mercedes can have ‘sleepovers’ in her bed each Friday and Saturday night (no school nights!) – something that you especially seem to love. I am so thankful that you all have each other to lean on.

I am curious to see how your second week of school unfolds, but however long the transition takes, I know that you will thrive in kindergarten, just like Mercedes did. I can’t wait to see it all happen.

Love,

Mama