Holden John - December 24, 2012

Dear Holden,

You've arrived! It is amazing to me that the days/weeks leading up to your birth were so fraught with worry for me. With your sisters, I was anxious and excited and nervous, but patient for the most part. I watched my body carefully for any signs and when those 'signs' appeared, I knew exactly what they meant and that birth was imminent, and I was right!

You, my surprise third baby, my only boy, my 'difficult' pregnancy, just had to keep me on my toes. For nearly three weeks prior to your birth I had bouts of regular contractions and other signs that you might be coming sooner rather than later. Such convincing signs in fact that I regularly cancelled plans and rushed to pack my bags and stuck close to home because I literally wondered every day if 'this was it'. It wasn't, ha.

We had plans with our whole family to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve, as usual - your Bubie and Zaidie were going to bring a whole festive meal here to our house, and we were going to eat and open presents and put on Christmas pjs and then leave cookies and milk out for Santa... our regular Christmas Eve rituals.

But at 2:30 a.m. on December 24th I woke up to the feeling of my water breaking. It wasn't a full on break, but a small gush of fluid that I immediately recognized for what it really was. Your father was sleeping on the floor of Alexis' room as she was having trouble sleeping. Mercedes and Duke were sleeping in bed with me. I hobbled to the bathroom and quickly realized that it was definitely the real deal, and more fluid was slowly leaking out. I went into Lexi's room to wake up your father and then called Bubie and Zaidie. I knew that contractions might not necessarily start right away, but I figured it was safer to have them here, at our house, just in case. I paged the midwife and she said to try to sleep and just wait until contractions started and became regular/more intense.

I decided to take a shower and at around 3:15, the contractions started. They weren't very strong, and they were about 7 minutes apart - so not urgent labour yet, but I was glad that Bubie and Zaidie were already on their way. By 4 am, when your grandparents arrived, the contractions had gotten a bit stronger, and were coming about every 5 minutes. Your father was packing up the car and your sisters were still sleeping, while I was sitting chatting with Bubie and Zaidie and silently working through the contractions.

By 4:45 we realized that the contractions were now actually about 3 minutes apart and both Daddy and Zaidie got a little nervous. I paged the midwife back and updated her and told her that we were getting nervous and wanted to head out to the hospital (a good 15-20 minute drive away). She agreed we should head in and she said she'd meet us there to check how far along things had progressed. We left the house at 5 and just the act of getting up from the table and walking to the car intensified the contractions tremendously. Your father was quite nervous on the drive down - the contractions were MUCH stronger during the car ride, and were coming every 2 minutes now. They seemed to be one on top of the other and quite strong now - I think your Daddy had visions of you arriving IN the car!

Thankfully, we made it to the hospital and up to the birthing unit by 5:30. The nurses/orderlies were scrambling to finish setting up the birthing suite, putting fresh linens on the bed, etc. I was sitting in the wheelchair and urgently felt the need to throw up. The midwife took one look at me, contractions one on top of another, throwing up into a puke bucket in the hallway of the hospital, and said "clearly we are admitting you!" I think she thought I was in transition already, but I just happen to vomit during labour, lucky me.

Once she was able to check me she announced I was 7 cms dilated. Not bad for just over two hours of contractions! I laboured for a while in the bathroom, and on the bed so they could monitor your heartrate (standard protocol for a VBAC). By 6:45 I felt a very strong urge to push and my midwife said that I was fully dilated, with just a tiny lip of cervix on one side.

A week prior to your arrival, you had shifted a bit to one side, and this apparently caused some difficulty with your descent and caused the remaining lip of cervix to that side. I pushed through it and she was able to move it out of the way thankfully, but the positioning did make for a SLOW descent for you. You also got a bit stuck around my pelvic bone, but we managed to work through it, thankfully.

By 7:40 a.m. your head was out, but it took a good two minutes to push the rest of you out. It was the most painful thing I've ever felt, but with your father's steadfast encouragement and the wonderful care of the midwives, we did it! You were officially born at 7:42 a.m. and your father got to cut the cord (finally!). You did need some quick resuscitation because of your slow, difficult arrival, but within a few minutes you were back with me for some skin to skin time. The midwives leisurely delivered the placenta, and stitched up two small tears (one benefit of your slow arrival!) while we snuggled together. We got to delay the newborn exam and eye ointment and everything for a good hour and instead just spent time getting to know one another - breastfeeding, staring into each other's eyes, etc. It was everything I always wanted out of a birth, and more.

They finally took you back to clean you up and weigh you and your father and I were shocked that you weighed in at 9 pounds 8 ounces!! Amazingly, 3 lbs bigger than Alexis and even a full pound larger than Mercedes. No wonder I was so uncomfortable. Everything else checked out perfectly and we would have been able to go home within a few hours of the birth (I felt AMAZING!) if not for your large size. Concerned about your blood sugars, the hospital requires three normal blood sugar test results, two hours apart each. So we moved to a recovery room and a nurse came every couple of hours to take your blood. All was well and normal and by 4:30 that afternoon, less than 9 hours after your birth, we were headed home!

You have been such a wonderful addition to our family - your sisters dote on you, your father adores you, I can't get enough of holding you, and your entire extended family just loves you to pieces. You are everything that we never knew we always wanted. I had no idea just how fully you would complete our family. So welcome, to the greatest Christmas present we could ever ask for. We love you muchly Holden John.

Love,

Mama