Mercedes - Happy 12th Birthday!

 Dear Mercedes,

Happy 12th birthday to the person who forever changed me. My heart, my mind, my soul were forever altered the moment you entered this world. Becoming a mother, becoming YOUR mother, and learning together how to do this whole parenting thing has been the greatest joy of my life. There have been tears and worry and frustration and anger, but there has also been immense, overwhelming pride and joy at watching you grow into the amazing young person you are. 

Every year on your birthday I feel incredibly nostalgic for those days just before you were born - where I had no idea yet of the impact you would make on our lives. And then the early days of your life, where your father and I had absolutely NO idea what we were doing - we had no confidence in anything other than the undeniable fact of our love for you. I still tell you frequently that I have no idea how to parent someone of your age - you are the first, and as such, our greatest experiment. As you get older and begin to navigate the tween life - smartphones and social media and best friends and boyfriends and makeup - there is a constant worrying as to whether we are doing the right thing. Too permissive? Too strict? Can we actually count all the ways we are screwing up your future? But somehow, there you are - emerging as a smart, sensitive, funny, empathetic, and heartbreakingly beautiful (inside and out) girl, all on your own (although I do want to take some credit for the person you are growing into).

It's hard to believe that the extremely dependent, needy baby you were 12 years ago now doesn't need tucking in at night, and is binge-watching Grey's Anatomy and can stay up later than your parents and stay home alone and is nearly taller than me. It's happened so slowly but also all at the same time, this maturing and turning into someone who slowly needs our supervision and guidance less and less. I am not naïve - I know there are rocky years ahead (it's terrible planning that we will have three teenagers in this house at the same time) and there will be many, many more moments of tears and worry and frustration and anger. But I'm counting on those joyful moments and the strength of our relationship to carry us through. 

Happy birthday my daughter - I love you to the moon and back.

Mama