Happy 3rd Birthday Alexis!

Dearest Lexi,

Happy 3^rd Birthday! I won’t go on forever about how hard it is to believe that you are already three (very hard), or how fast the time flies (very fast), or how grown up you seem all of a sudden (very grown up) – but I will say that it’s amazing to see the kind of kid you are turning into. I wrote in your birth story that you were a spitfire, and I had no clue how prophetic that turn of phrase would be. You, my darling, are most definitely a spitfire! You have always been cheerful and easygoing and flexible, which is great, but you have also always been feisty and adventurous and a little bit sassy. You have this little sturdy body and this delicate, angelic face, topped with this CRAZY curly hair. It’s grown finally, a bit, but seemingly straight out around your head instead of down like most girls. But, it matches your ‘spitfire’ personality so absolutely that it’s hard to believe we didn’t design it for you. I’ve joked before that you knew you were going to be a middle child before we did, and that also still holds true. You take no crap from anyone – kids at playdates, kids at daycare, your parents, and most certainly not your siblings – Mercedes, who likes to exert her eldest sibling status by directing how and what you play, and Holden who likes to torture you as only a toddler can; pulling hair, pushing, throwing stuff at you, all while smiling gleefully. I don’t mind too much, as it gives you a welcome taste of your own medicine, and you don’t seem to mind too much either. It amuses you to interact with him and in fact, Holden ranks second on your best friend list (when asked, your best friends are Dallas – a boy from daycare – then Holden, then Mercedes, and then oh yeah, Mommy and Daddy.)

You never.stop.talking. these days, and we find it exasperating and hilarious, all at the same time. You love to sing (in fact, yesterday when you should have been taking a nap, you chose to sing ‘Call Me Maybe’ over and over again instead) and you LOVE to dance. You copy everything your big sister does and play so sweetly with her (when you aren’t hitting her or saying no to her or yelling in her face). You have just recently been potty-trained and have done fantastically well – although you refuse to sit on a potty, or even a potty seat insert, instead choosing to be an independent big girl and haul yourself up on the big toilet each and every time. At the same time, we converted your crib to a toddler bed – three year olds are big girls after all! You are doing fairly well with that also, although you are most certainly not your sister, who wouldn’t even get out of bed in the mornings and still called for us to come and rescue her. You, like to wander downstairs if you don’t feel like sleeping, wander into our room in the middle of the night, or, on a couple of occasions, you’ve even appeared in your sister’s bed (much to her dismay). As I said, spitfire.

You are such a sweetheart though – insisting on hugs and kisses for everyone and randomly tossing out “I love you Mommy” when the mood strikes. You love to draw and paint and play dress up and play babies with your sister. You are a total ham and love making us laugh and telling jokes and picking your own crazy outfits. You love going to the park and are obsessed with the swings (“Higher Mommy higher!!”) and trying out Daddy’s skateboard. You are adorable and funny and such a joy to be around – we can’t believe how lucky we are that you are part of our family, and we can’t wait to see what your very bright future holds.

Love,

Mama

Holden - 15 Months Old

Dear Holden,

FINALLY, at just over 15 months old, you walk! It is very zombie-like, and not steady at all, but increasing in frequency pretty quickly. I am not sure who is more proud – me and Daddy, your sisters, or you! You always have this beaming smile on your face as you toddle around the room, and almost seem to be saying “DID YOU SEE THAT?!” It’s immensely endearing, as is just about everything else that you do.

A couple of weeks ago you started daycare for the first time, as I got a new job and entered back into the workforce. It’s our first time being separated for any length of time, and man oh man – do I ever miss you and your chubby cheeks and happy yells and super-firm hugs. I am thrilled to be working again, and am enjoying my job, but nothing compares to the time I get to spend with my babies. I never pictured myself as a stay-at-home-mom, and in fact was always firmly in the ‘never, not me’ camp. Until I had you. Maybe the time I spent with you (and your sisters) these past fifteen months showed me how enjoyable it really can be – difficult, absolutely, especially once you become outnumbered! – but also pretty damn amazing. I feel sad that I won’t ever get the chance to spend so much time with you all again (for real this time! Baby-factory is closed!) I feel sad that my work is far away and that it means long days for you all in daycare (which you all enjoy immensely, but still). I feel sad that the time we do have together during the week is rushed – getting ready and getting out the door on time, or getting dinner on the table and the rush of baths and bedtimes. I feel sad that the weekends are really the only quality time we have. But oh how I look forward to Saturday mornings now – lazing around in our PJs, snuggling, watching you play with your sisters and giggle and toddle around in your footed sleepers.

It is such a joy to watch you become a full-fledged toddler – using more words (uh-oh and no are your newest acquisitions), trying to sing along when your sisters sing, the walking of course, playing games like peekaboo, blowing kisses, waving bye-bye while you yell Dada as Daddy leaves for work. I am thrilled that you are loving daycare (you have formed quite an attachment to your teacher, and vice versa, particularly since you are currently the ONLY infant in the program!) – you get some one-on-one attention, but also get to play with the bigger kids often (including your sister of course). I can’t wait to see what new and exciting things you learn there. In the meantime, I’ll revel in the time we do have together, and feel grateful for the chance to reconnect with you each evening as we snuggle and read stories and I nurse you to sleep. Just don’t grow TOO fast ok sweetpea?

Love,

Mama

Alexis - 2.75 Years Old

Dear Lexi,

Last week was your first full week of daycare/Preschool (or, ‘daycare school’ as you refer to it) at The Learning Jungle. And let me tell you, you did AMAZINGLY well. They said you transitioned like an old pro, and it felt like you’d always been a part of the (very small) program. Not a single tear shed or backward glance to be had – just excitement over all the new toys, new friends, new experiences, new crafts. We couldn’t be prouder. I didn’t have any worry about you at all; you have never been the shy sort. You have a new best friend (a little boy named Dallas), and you absolutely adore your teacher (Miss Jessika). You play outside, you do crafts, you nap well on your cot, you eat all the yummy catered food with gusto. No one would ever guess that your daycare experience has been limited! When you think about the situation, you have been home with me, full-time, for MOST of your short life. From birth to 12 months it was you and me (and your sister part-time), every day. Then you had a brief stint at Sherri’s, a home daycare environment – small, nurturing, mostly young kids, ‘family’-like. But of course, I was already pregnant with Holden when you started daycare so we knew it wouldn’t be for long. By 19 months old, when your brother arrived, you were back home with me, full-time. There were a few days you attended daycare at Peekaboo with Mercedes, but it was really just a handful of times. Other than that, it’s been you, me and Holden. All day. Every day. For the past FIFTEEN months. It sounds like a lifetime, but it passed in the blink of an eye.

Saying goodbye to Mercedes when she first started daycare was hard, but it was exciting too – I looked forward to getting back to working, to being someone other than just ‘mom’. When I went back to work after maternity leave with you, I didn’t feel guilty or sad at all – but again, I already knew I was facing more time ‘off’ with my babies, and I had seen how much daycare had enriched your sister’s life. But this time… this was the FINAL return. The final goodbye, to not just Holden, my baby that made this final maternity leave possible, but to you and your sister also. Over the past five years of motherhood, I have in fact been at home with YOU the most. And I got the immense privilege of taking your sister to school and back for almost her entire first year – a perk I won’t get with you and your brother. So as stressful, exhausting and difficult the past fifteen months have been, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Part of me wishes I could still be at home with you all – I miss the extra snuggles and putting you down for naps every day and seeing you play with friends on playdates (and I miss MY friends too!). I miss the laughter and going for walks and seeing you play on the swings and reading you stories and having your ‘help’ running errands and picking up a happy, tired Mercedes from school. Of course, we’ll still do all of these things, it just won’t be as frequent. Weekends pass all too quickly when you work full-time.  

But I do enjoy working – I like my job, and above all else, I want to be a good role model for you and your siblings – to show you that you can have anything you dream of, no matter how difficult it may be. So quantity of time turns into quality, and really – the quality couldn’t be better. I am thrilled you are enjoying yourself at daycare, and learning so much. I am also thrilled to see your smiling face and crazy hair and tight hugs at the end of every work day. It makes it all worth it!

Love, 

Mama

Holden - 13 Months

Dear Holden,

A couple of weeks ago marked yet another first - a first for you, and a first for me as a mother. Your first hospital trip. Fun times eh? Both Lexi and Mercedes have each made a trip to the ER actually - Mercedes for a case of strep (was sent home quickly with meds), and Lexi for a gastro bug once - but she was given pedialyte and perked up immediately. This time was different. You and Lexi and your father were all sick with sore throats - first your sister, then your father, then you. I thought of strep at first, but delayed a doctor's visit because I firmly believe in 'wait and see', especially when it means packing up three kids to wait in a walk in clinic. And then Lexi started feeling better, so I figured you would too! Until that Wednesday morning, two weeks ago, when you woke up very lethargic and miserable and your lips turned blue. I immediately packed up your sisters and we headed to the clinic. They took a look at you and suggested we head to the ER instead, which made me heart drop. You both tested positive for strep and Lexi was given antibiotics to take, but it was clear you needed more than just meds. The triage nurse in the ER asked if you were my first baby. When I said "no, third" they took you in immediately. Apparently third time mothers don't panic at the ER unless it's really warranted!

You spent the whole day in the ER - hooked up to an IV for some antibiotics and to rehydrate you. You had blood drawn, and a chest x-ray (totally traumatic!), as well as a urine test. Watching them struggle to get in the IV line made me heart hurt, but watching YOU not put up much of a fight was even worse. You spent the entire day sleeping in my arms, despite the bustle of the ER - you were just so weak and dehydrated. Final diagnosis was a bad case of strep, double ear infection, possible start of pneumoia, and dehydration. I had to wake you up overnight to force pedialyte into you, give you meds, and let you sleep it off as much as possible. Thankfully, within a couple of days you perked up considerably, and a couple of days after that you got your strength back. The best part is the nursing strike you went on while sick (which made ME sick!) ended. And now, a couple of weeks later, you would never know how sick you were.

I know other parents have endured FAR worse with their children, but we have been so lucky with all three of you - this is the sickest I've ever seen one of my kids in five years, and it's not an experience I wish to repeat. I am so thankful we have access to such great health care in Canada, and so thankful I took you in when I did. Now, don't ever do that again!

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - Happy 5th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes,

Yesterday, you turned FIVE. It's hard to believe that five years have passed since that first moment I became a mother. It was a changing, formative moment of course - but being a mother (or a father!) is a continuously evolving learning experience. Most days it seems like I will never know what I am doing. But I do know that I am consistently surprised and challenged by you. I am forever falling more in love with you, learning more about you, amazed at how much you know and do and understand. I am so thrilled by the child you are becoming - I can see glimpses of you here and there as a teenager, or an adult, or a mother to your own child one day... smart and observant and funny and considerate and emotional and sensitive and silly and so overwhelmingly beautiful. I feel privileged to be your mother and I can't wait to see what the next five years holds.

As an update... you are learning to read (you know how to spell and read LOTS of word by memory alone, but are so great at sounding out the words that you don't know). You love to write and write and write some more... lists, or small books, or pretend restaurant orders. You are obsessed with arts and crafts - drawing and painting and cutting and gluing. You love going out to restaurants and playing outside and spending time with your friends. You are absolutely enthralled by your school experience - you wish you could go on the weekends, and you still love playing school with us or your sister. Speaking of your sister, you two play SO nicely together - making up games, chasing each other around, colouring together, laughing and laughing and laughing (which makes me cry happy tears). You are a protective and loving big sister - always watching out for both Lexi and Holden, and helping whenever you can. You love scary  movies/shows on tv - thanks to your father. He's even somehow managed to get you obsessed with Star Wars! You love Lego and books and Hello Kitty and Princess Sofia. You hate having your hair back and love picking out your own clothes; you love helping in the kitchen and playing in your room by yourself. No loose teeth yet, and no real sign of them, but you are excited about the prospect.

We had a fantastic day celebrating your birthday yesterday - we let you play hooky from school so we could all go to Chuck E Cheese and out for lunch. And you had an absolute blast. The look of joy on your face was worth it all. I am so glad that we were able to share in your special day with you (i.e. neither of us were at work!) and that you chose to share your special day with US (i.e. you chose to stay home instead of go to school and have a fuss made over you there).

Happy Birthday my big girl - we love you so much!

Love,

Mama

Holden - Happy First Birthday!

My dear sweet Holden,

It is three days after your birthday, but in typical busy-mom fashion, I am only finding the time to write this journal entry to you now - I apologize. But it has given me some more time to reflect on that wondrous milestone - the first birthday! I have to admit, I was very sad leading up to your first birthday. With Mercedes, I was just excited - it's so much fun to watch your babies growing up! When Alexis turned one, I was already pregnant with you, so I knew I was going to get to experience that magical first year all over again. But you... my lovely, sweet little boy. You, are my final baby. I love the newborn/infant stage anyway, but experiencing it all again for a third (and final) time, with the bonus of an exceptionally darling baby... it has been an amazing year. Stressful, I won't lie - I've been home full-time with you and Lexi for an entire year now, which hasn't been easy of course. And Mercedes started school in September, leaving all drop-offs and pick-ups my responsibility, with my two sidekicks in tow. But no matter how exhausted I am, or how many times I may lose my patience, or how frustrated I get... all I need to do is look in your beautiful eyes to realize how amazing this life I lead is.

All babies are wonderful. That is the inherent magic, the innate goodness, of babies. But everyone who meets you (aka, more than just your extremely biased family) knows there is something extra special about you. I truly believe you are an old, gentle soul. Sweet and happy and easy-going and social and interactive and smiley, smiley, smiley. I can't get enough of your sweet face and snuggly hugs. When you smile at me with your gap-toothed grin, I literally melt inside. I well up in tears frequently just looking at you (or, thinking about you, talking about you, writing about you...). I feel thankful EVERY, SINGLE day that you found your way to our family. It is no secret to anyone (and won't be kept a secret from you in the future either - I believe in honesty and transparency in a family) that you were not planned. A welcome, wonderful surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. In the early days of my pregnancy with you, your father and I fretted a bit - about money and logistics and my career and our exhaustion levels. Trivial stuff, when it comes down to it, because I knew, right from that first moment, that I loved you beyond measure and that you were meant to be.

I wrote in your birth story, an entire year ago, that you were everything that we never knew we always wanted. And that still holds true. I marvel at the fact that we ever thought our family was complete. You were clearly MEANT to be with us. (In fact, I often joke that Lexi knew first, since she was obviously born to be a middle child!)

I can't wait to see what your future holds - I know it will be bright and lovely and happy. You will do great things, of that I am sure. I love you so much; thank you for enriching our lives with your pure beauty. We are all better people for it.

Love,

Mama
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P.S. As of now you have 7 teeth (#7 cut on your birthday!) and say Mama and Dada. You crawl everywhere, and pull yourself to stand, but no walking yet. You clap and wave and blow kisses and shake your head no and respond to your name and love to flip the pages while I read you bedtime stories. You are obsessed with all the toys your sisters play with, and you love following them around and grinning when I catch you reaching for something you shouldn't have. As soon as the pantry cupboard opens, you magically appear to pull cereal boxes off the shelf. You are thrilled when Duke or Rusty walk by, and love giving them 'attention'. You get so excited when someone talks or smiles at you, that your whole body quivers with excitement and you bury your head in my shoulder (and bite my collarbone or my upper arm, ouch!).

Alexis - 27 Months

Dear Lexi,

It's official. The Terrible Twos are upon us. I remember so much of this very frustrating, yet totally endearing, age with your sister - but you are an entirely different child, and as such, present entirely different challenges! For example, your sister LOVED being in the stroller, and was never what parents termed 'a runner.' You? Oh yes. You are most definitely a runner. You are pretty good at understanding that we either hold hands or you go in the stroller, but the whole 'go in the stroller' part never gets accomplished without tears. You are MUCH more physical than your sister ever was; climbing play-structures with ease, which makes my heart stop a bit considering how far the fall is for such a wee girl! You love to climb anything in fact - tables being a big one, particularly naked while dancing (yes, I wonder about your future career sometimes). You love to be defiant, just for the sake of being defiant. Mercedes has something? You want it. Holden has something? You want it. Duke has something? You want it. Mommy or Daddy is eating something? You most DEFINITELY want it. You want to be super independent and have your hands in everything that goes on... diaper changes, meal times, getting into your high chair, laundry, unlocking the car, getting dressed, etc, etc. What should take 10 minutes takes upwards of half an hour. What should be fun, often isn't.

Sounds like a drag right? But the naked table dancing is hilariously entertaining. Your hugs are still the best. Your eyes light up with pure glee when you are playing (nicely) with your siblings. You absolutely adore when Duke gives you kisses. You say 'pease' and 'dank you' so sweetly it melts my heart. You insist on carrying a small pile of books with you to and from EVERY room - which, while it can be frustrating, is so darn cute! The 'reading' you do is even better.

I know that part of your behaviour is age-related, and a large part of it is hopefully two-year-molar related. I know it's a phase, and that this challenging stage will pass, just like all of the other challenging stages before, only to be replaced by some new way to be defiant and oppositional and independent. It's a part of growing, and learning, and becoming a little person. So while I may get frustrated at how long it takes to get three kids ready to leave the house, or how much of a mess you make when you are eating, or how difficult you can be when I ask you to do just about ANYTHING - I love the personality you so clearly have. Middle child? For sure. But a delightful, charming, happy, feisty, loving middle child. Now if only I could keep a straight face when disciplining you and your big brown eyes and incredibly crazy hair.

Love,

Mommy