Alexis - 3.5 (almost)

Dear Lexi,

I am writing this journal entry to you not because some particular milestone has been reached, or some birthday has passed, or some special first has been recorded – but simply because I wanted to take a moment to revel in how much of a unique personality you are. You will never get to do things first, since you aren’t the oldest… you will never be the ‘baby’ or the only one of anything, since that is reserved for your brother… but you are, without a doubt, such a goofy, sweet character that you could never get lost in the shuffle. And I will never stop telling you how important and special you are to us.

And it’s not just your parents that see that (biased though we may be). Your daycare teachers find you infinitely amusing. Friends of ours say “Oh, that Lexi! What a gal!” Your Bubie and Zaidie and aunts and uncles smile at your antics and the ever-present twinkle in your big, dark eyes. Even your sister, who will forever remind us all how she will always be older and bigger, finds you hysterically funny. In fact, she is often unable to eat her dinner because she is laughing so enthusiastically at something funny you’ve said, or a silly face you’ve made.

I don’t know what exactly it is about you that draws people in, but it’s some magically endearing combination of your crazy curls, your big eyes, your little sturdy body, your teeny high-pitched voice… not to mention your personality of course. You have always been this very interesting study in contrasts – feisty and independent and stubborn and adventurous, yet easy-going and flexible and snuggly and sweet. You have everyone in your life wrapped around your fingers, and your father and I constantly find ourselves shaking our heads and smiling and say “Oh Lex” – there is just no escaping your charm, even when you are peeing on the floor, refusing to clean up your toys, attacking your siblings, or stalling at bedtime.

Don’t ever lose that gleam in your eye Lexi-Bexi. Frustrating as it is, it’s inescapably you.

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - First Day of Senior Kindergarten

Dear Mercedes,

Today marks your very first day of Senior Kindergarten! It was a little anti-climactic for me, since I couldn’t take you directly to school, but instead took you to your usual spot in the before and after school program. I could have taken the morning off, or come in late, in order to take you to school, but I figured it would be better to have you back in your regular routine as quickly as possible. However, I am kind of regretting that choice now! I wish I had been able to walk you to school this morning, just you and me, having one last chat about all of the exciting stuff you would learn and do this year. I wish I had taken one last opportunity to hold your hand and reassure you that, despite being nervous and anxious about a new year, with a new teacher (actually two new teachers, and even a new Principal and Vice Principal!), you would be okay, and you would have fun, and you would get back into the swing of things shortly.

My big girl – you have grown so much and so fast, that sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that you are still ONLY 5 (and a half), and that you have so many big emotions that you may not always know how to handle (heck, I am 34 – and a half – and I have big emotions I can’t handle sometimes!) School, and all of the related anxieties that come along with it – friends, teachers, school-work, routines, being independent – can be hard to manage for someone who is so thoughtful and sensitive and observant. I know you were nervous last year, but that vanished quickly and you absolutely THRIVED in JK. I know the same will happen this year – hopefully even today! I am guessing by the end of the week you’ll have remembered why you love school so much, and you’ll be begging to go, even on the weekends.

I do wish that the last few days of your summer break haven’t been filled with such anxiety from you – your father and I have done the best we could to dissuade your fears, reassure you that your feelings were normal, encourage you to always continue talking to us no matter what… but it still breaks my heart a bit that instead of enjoying your last week of summer vacation, you’ve been lying awake at night, in tears, in nervous anticipation of what lay ahead this week.

There were no tears this morning when I got you settled in the before school program, though. Brave, through and through, you fought valiantly to show me that you would be okay. And I thank you. Because *I* might have shed a few tears in the car on the way to work on your behalf. Especially when I realized I forgot to pack you a fork for your spaghetti lunch. Getting back into normal routines can be tough on all of us :) 

No matter what though, I am so immensely proud of the smart, talented, creative, beautiful girl you have become and I can’t wait to see what this exciting year holds for you!

Love,

Mama

P.S. By the time I got home for dinner, you were back to being excited and loving school and said that you can't wait to go back tomorrow :)

Holden - 19 Months

Dear Holden,

This past weekend, at 19 months of age, you finally experienced your first sleepover at Bubie and Zaidie’s house! In typical third kid fashion, you were the latest of the bunch – Mercedes had her first sleepover at 17 months, and Lexi had her first at only 15 months! (Due in part to your impending arrival and the need we’d have for your sisters to be babysat during my hospital visit.) And in typical Holden fashion, you did fantastically! Always easy going and happy, you went to sleep without a peep, didn’t seem to miss breastfeeding at all, and even slept in! Of course, you never sleep in at HOME, but if you are going to be a super-star anywhere, it’s best that it’s at Bubie and Zaidie’s house so they are more willing to repeat this whole three-kid-sleepover thing ;)

It’s just another example of how quickly you seem to be growing – learning new words every day, learning new skills (climbing everything for example), and making your opinions CLEARLY felt (you have become quite adept at the toddler tantrum – throwing yourself down on the ground and screaming, even beating your little arms and legs for emphasis). We love seeing the bond you have with your sisters change and develop – you were always particularly close with Lexi, seeing as how you were both home with me every day, and of course, you are only 19 months apart. But now you seem to have developed a special bond with Mercedes too, which thrills me. She is almost four years older than you, so she dotes on you – helping you put your shoes on, or do up a zipper on your coat, playing ball with you, helping you with a crayon… you seem to terrorize her a little bit less frequently these days (although you make up for it with Lexi it seems), and just love giving her bone-crushing hugs and big smiles.

You are still absolutely obsessed with your elephant lovey, and adore wearing hats, and playing in the small wading pool in the back (and dumping water all over yourself). You love reading books, and insist on the ‘bus book’ (Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site) every night before bed (which is actually about trucks,but the two seem interchangeable to you right now). You still LOVE going to daycare and exploring all the neat things they have for you – last week you even gently held a frog you found on a walk (much to my surprise). You love animals of all kinds – especially Duke, although he doesn’t always appreciate all of the ‘attention’ you give him. I am so happy that this first sleepover went well – in part because it gives your father and I a much-needed break, and time to relax and focus on each other; but also because you get to experience what your sisters have for so long – the ultimate joy found only at Bubie and Zaidie’s house. Unlimited attention, unconditional love, and a level of spoiling that you’ll likely never get at home, despite us loving you just as much! Sleepovers at Bubie and Zaidie’s are a truly special thing, and I am so glad you are growing up knowing them – and I am thrilled that they get to spend more extended time with YOU and fall even more deeply in love (if that’s even possible) with my special little boy.

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - Last Day of Junior Kindergarten

Dear Mercedes,

Last Friday marked your final day of your first year of school. The ten months passed in the blink of an eye, but looking back you have matured and changed so much in that one short school year. You have grown physically of course (your feet and legs in particular!), and you’ve gotten a couple of haircuts, and you are currently sporting an early summer tan despite copious amounts of sunscreen. But you’ve also, more importantly, changed on the inside as well. More confident, more social, less tentative… we are so proud of the big girl you are turning into. You will always be a bit more on the shy side, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, I think each new experience you have brings you more self-awareness, more confidence, more capability to easily adapt and make new friends. 

You started ‘summer camp’ at the Learning Jungle on Monday (with your brother and sister, although you won’t spend your entire days with them), and you had not one single moment of hesitation, telling me that “don’t worry, I’ll make new friends!” And you have made new friends, despite only being there for a few days this week. This morning as I dropped you off I heard you talking the ear off Miss Jessika (your sister's teacher), telling her some long, complicated story about Hello Kitty something or other. 

You are reading more and more, and attempt to write full sentences on your own – writing the words you do know, sounding out phonetically the ones you don’t. You still absolutely adore arts and crafts – always drawing something or making paper airplanes or cutting out funny shapes. You love to direct your sister on games you make up for the two of you, showing just how easily you can adapt to a ‘leadership’ role. You also love any sort of physical activity, as most kids do – riding your bike, trying to learn how to skateboard like Daddy, playing in the backyard kiddie pool, climbing the playground structures at the park.

You made a number of really fantastic friends in JK – Cecily and Trinity and Hailey and all the others I can’t even remember – birthday parties and playdates abound, and I know it’s only the beginning of watching you blossom into a social butterfly. You should likely remain with your JK group next year as you all move into SK, and I think this will give you a great chance to solidify those friendships, hopefully for a number of years to come! Your father and I desperately wanted to make a lasting choice when we moved into this house – we knew once you started school (and your brother and sister after you) that we’d prefer you to stay in the same school throughout your elementary years. I know friendships will wax and wane (I have clear evidence of this in my own life), but the memories you make in these formative years will last forever. I am so excited to be along for the ride.

Love,

Mama

Holden - 18 months old

Dear Holden,

Today, you are 18 months old! That’s an entire year and a half that you have been bringing joy to our lives, and it means that as of tomorrow you’ll be closer to two than one! Scary thought, but when I stop and think about it, I realize how quickly you are growing and changing – every day you become less baby and so much more toddler. You are figuring out how to climb on things (like into and out of low chairs, navigating the slide in our backyard, climbing the stairs with ease). You are so much more aware of our daily routines and fully participate in the rhythm of the house, telling me when you need your diaper changed (“bumbum!” and heading for the stairs), or pointing to the pillow I always use to support you while nursing when you are requesting a session, or clearly asking for water or more food, or trying to change your outdoor shoes as soon as we get to daycare. I love watching your comprehension skills grow in leaps and bounds – you clearly understand a TON of what we are saying, even if you still aren’t talking as much as I’d like. You definitely have improved in that area though – new words are beginning to pop up fast and furious now… you have probably about 20ish, including Mama, Daddy, uh-oh, more, snack, doggie, water, ball, toe, eyes, turtle, Duke, bye, hi, this, shoes, got it, did it, quack quack, moo, woof woof… It’s hilarious watching you try to repeat everything we say and figuring out what words get reactions from the people around you.

You also have your own distinct personality that shines through – most of the time happy and carefree and easygoing, although some of that fabulous toddler-ness absolutely shines through. You seem to get clingy with me in the evenings, which elevates the Momma guilt level to ‘high.’ You are also teething (two canines currently) which is messing with your sleep a bit, and likely your personality! But through it all you remain, for the most part, a smiley, sweet, affectionate little boy. You love to give kisses and hugs, and try to run away from your sisters in an always-fun game of chase. You have a special obsession for purses and hats (yes, lots of estrogen in this house!) and as soon as you find both in the toy bin, you put on the hat, sling the purse over your shoulder and happily yell “bye bye!” while waving to your adoring fans. It’s hilarious and so endearing.

You still eat like a horse – often out-eating your big sisters. You have a special fondness for green veggies (WEIRD) and anything protein. You are still nursing (yay!), but usually only 2-3 times a day obviously, since I am working full-time. You are thriving in daycare – you love being there, love pretending to cook in the kitchen (I think you might be a chef one day), love playing with your new friends, love going outside and playing with water or bubbles or the sandbox. You also have super-fantastic fine motor skills - can do up buckles and zippers and manipulate small objects REALLY well. 

We are so thrilled with the smart, handsome, affectionate little boy you are turning into – we couldn’t be prouder to have you in our family. Each day I fall more and more in love with your sturdy body and dazzling heart. Happy half birthday Mr. Handsome!

Love,

Mama

Happy 3rd Birthday Alexis!

Dearest Lexi,

Happy 3^rd Birthday! I won’t go on forever about how hard it is to believe that you are already three (very hard), or how fast the time flies (very fast), or how grown up you seem all of a sudden (very grown up) – but I will say that it’s amazing to see the kind of kid you are turning into. I wrote in your birth story that you were a spitfire, and I had no clue how prophetic that turn of phrase would be. You, my darling, are most definitely a spitfire! You have always been cheerful and easygoing and flexible, which is great, but you have also always been feisty and adventurous and a little bit sassy. You have this little sturdy body and this delicate, angelic face, topped with this CRAZY curly hair. It’s grown finally, a bit, but seemingly straight out around your head instead of down like most girls. But, it matches your ‘spitfire’ personality so absolutely that it’s hard to believe we didn’t design it for you. I’ve joked before that you knew you were going to be a middle child before we did, and that also still holds true. You take no crap from anyone – kids at playdates, kids at daycare, your parents, and most certainly not your siblings – Mercedes, who likes to exert her eldest sibling status by directing how and what you play, and Holden who likes to torture you as only a toddler can; pulling hair, pushing, throwing stuff at you, all while smiling gleefully. I don’t mind too much, as it gives you a welcome taste of your own medicine, and you don’t seem to mind too much either. It amuses you to interact with him and in fact, Holden ranks second on your best friend list (when asked, your best friends are Dallas – a boy from daycare – then Holden, then Mercedes, and then oh yeah, Mommy and Daddy.)

You never.stop.talking. these days, and we find it exasperating and hilarious, all at the same time. You love to sing (in fact, yesterday when you should have been taking a nap, you chose to sing ‘Call Me Maybe’ over and over again instead) and you LOVE to dance. You copy everything your big sister does and play so sweetly with her (when you aren’t hitting her or saying no to her or yelling in her face). You have just recently been potty-trained and have done fantastically well – although you refuse to sit on a potty, or even a potty seat insert, instead choosing to be an independent big girl and haul yourself up on the big toilet each and every time. At the same time, we converted your crib to a toddler bed – three year olds are big girls after all! You are doing fairly well with that also, although you are most certainly not your sister, who wouldn’t even get out of bed in the mornings and still called for us to come and rescue her. You, like to wander downstairs if you don’t feel like sleeping, wander into our room in the middle of the night, or, on a couple of occasions, you’ve even appeared in your sister’s bed (much to her dismay). As I said, spitfire.

You are such a sweetheart though – insisting on hugs and kisses for everyone and randomly tossing out “I love you Mommy” when the mood strikes. You love to draw and paint and play dress up and play babies with your sister. You are a total ham and love making us laugh and telling jokes and picking your own crazy outfits. You love going to the park and are obsessed with the swings (“Higher Mommy higher!!”) and trying out Daddy’s skateboard. You are adorable and funny and such a joy to be around – we can’t believe how lucky we are that you are part of our family, and we can’t wait to see what your very bright future holds.

Love,

Mama

Holden - 15 Months Old

Dear Holden,

FINALLY, at just over 15 months old, you walk! It is very zombie-like, and not steady at all, but increasing in frequency pretty quickly. I am not sure who is more proud – me and Daddy, your sisters, or you! You always have this beaming smile on your face as you toddle around the room, and almost seem to be saying “DID YOU SEE THAT?!” It’s immensely endearing, as is just about everything else that you do.

A couple of weeks ago you started daycare for the first time, as I got a new job and entered back into the workforce. It’s our first time being separated for any length of time, and man oh man – do I ever miss you and your chubby cheeks and happy yells and super-firm hugs. I am thrilled to be working again, and am enjoying my job, but nothing compares to the time I get to spend with my babies. I never pictured myself as a stay-at-home-mom, and in fact was always firmly in the ‘never, not me’ camp. Until I had you. Maybe the time I spent with you (and your sisters) these past fifteen months showed me how enjoyable it really can be – difficult, absolutely, especially once you become outnumbered! – but also pretty damn amazing. I feel sad that I won’t ever get the chance to spend so much time with you all again (for real this time! Baby-factory is closed!) I feel sad that my work is far away and that it means long days for you all in daycare (which you all enjoy immensely, but still). I feel sad that the time we do have together during the week is rushed – getting ready and getting out the door on time, or getting dinner on the table and the rush of baths and bedtimes. I feel sad that the weekends are really the only quality time we have. But oh how I look forward to Saturday mornings now – lazing around in our PJs, snuggling, watching you play with your sisters and giggle and toddle around in your footed sleepers.

It is such a joy to watch you become a full-fledged toddler – using more words (uh-oh and no are your newest acquisitions), trying to sing along when your sisters sing, the walking of course, playing games like peekaboo, blowing kisses, waving bye-bye while you yell Dada as Daddy leaves for work. I am thrilled that you are loving daycare (you have formed quite an attachment to your teacher, and vice versa, particularly since you are currently the ONLY infant in the program!) – you get some one-on-one attention, but also get to play with the bigger kids often (including your sister of course). I can’t wait to see what new and exciting things you learn there. In the meantime, I’ll revel in the time we do have together, and feel grateful for the chance to reconnect with you each evening as we snuggle and read stories and I nurse you to sleep. Just don’t grow TOO fast ok sweetpea?

Love,

Mama