Holden - Surgery

Dear Holden,

Today marks two weeks post-surgery, and I am thrilled to say that you sailed through the whole experience with no issues whatsoever. We were nervous that the surgery itself might not go ahead as planned, since you were fighting a cold for a few days prior to your scheduled operation date. But we were told as long as you didn’t have a high fever and you were in good spirits, not overly congested, etc. that the surgery should be a go ahead. So we finalized our plans, booking time off work, withdrawing you temporarily from daycare, arranging for care of your sisters, packing our bags, planning for an overnight hospital stay… and then the morning of, you woke up with a fever. We could tell that you were sicker than you were even just the day before and your father and I were terrified that they wouldn’t go through with it. Of course, we’d never put you in danger, and obviously the medial team would never operate if they felt it unsafe. But we knew how desperately you needed the surgery to stop getting sick so often, and of course, it would have been a huge inconvenience to have to reschedule everything.

Thankfully, the anesthetist made a last-minute call to go ahead as planned. He said you weren’t too congested and your chest sounded clear, plus he knew you were scheduled to stay overnight, which meant that the nurses would be able to keep a close eye on your recovery and make sure you were okay.

So off you went, after charming every single doctor, nurse, and patient you came across. Everyone commented on how handsome and well-behaved you were; both true! Of course, you cried when I handed you over to the doctor and he took you down the hall into the operating room, but you had your Eddy with you at least (complete with his own hospital bracelet to match yours, which you weren’t a big fan of), and I know you were put under fairly quickly.

Your father and I breathed a sigh of relief that we had made it through the morning with only one minor meltdown about Bear Paws (you were fasting of course), and that the surgery was going ahead as planned. And then we waited a bit anxiously for news once the procedure was finished, which came fairly quickly, thankfully. Your surgeon said you did amazing, and everything went exactly as planned. She said your tonsils and adenoids were HUGE and they could all hear an immediate difference in your breathing when you were taken to recovery. You were supposed to only be in recovery for about half an hour, and then moved to the Pediatrics floor where you (and I) were to spend the night. However, they kept you for over two and a half hours – apparently you were VERY sleepy and had some trouble coming out of the anesthesia (not uncommon). Your oxygen levels were low, so they wanted to keep a close eye on you and provide you added oxygen via mask to be sure you were okay before moving you upstairs. But, within a few hours of the surgery, we were reunited. You were so sad and sleepy, but that changed to angry within a couple of hours. You had no problems drinking or taking your medicine, thankfully, and you ate a bunch of jello in the middle of the night, but you did want to be held constantly, and were pretty upset about the IV in your foot and having to wear a sensor to monitor your vital signs.

But, with some tears (from us both) and some EXTREMELY uncomfortable sleeping in a chair, we made it through the night and were discharged mid-morning on Thursday. And thus began a week and a half of ‘recovery’ at home. No daycare, no scratchy food, no super strenuous activity. There were some challenges, particularly around taking your pain meds (which you often took like a champ. However, when you decided you did NOT want to take your medicine, there was no convincing you) and arguing about snacks. You quickly tired of pudding and jello and were quite upset to not be allowed to eat exactly what you wanted. We made do with a lifetime’s supply of yogurt, super-soft bread (croissants, fresh buns, super-nutritious white bread, etc.), and overcooked pasta to keep you happy. Finally, on the weekend, we worked our way up to some harder food and here you are! Two weeks post-surgery, no sign of any bleeding whatsoever, and over a week without any pain meds.

You are sleeping better. You are breathing SO much better. You don’t snore anymore. Your cold cleared up after surgery almost instantly. You are even in great spirits! I don’t know if it’s because you can breathe better and are sleeping better, or if it’s because you cut two molars during the last couple of weeks, or if it’s because you just finished a growth spurt… but in any case, I see so much more of my happy, easy-going, funny, charming baby boy these days. You are still two, in all your toddler glory, but you whine and cry and cling and complain and tantrum SO much less and it delights me. Because truthfully, you have been quite a handful these past six months (not at daycare, not with anyone else, but for Mommy and Daddy – especially Mommy – yes). And now I am falling in love with you and your cheeky grin and that tiny dimple and your increasingly-crazy-Lexi-like hair all over again.

I am so relieved that this is behind us, and so hopeful that it means a much easier Winter for you this year. And the bonus? Your voice has completely changed (even more adorable) and now I can’t tell you and Lexi apart at all.

Love,

Mama

A Week Away

Dear Offspring,

Last week marked an important milestone, for all of us! I was out of town on business, for the first time in over seven years. I used to travel a few times a year for work, but that was before any of you were born. Since you’ve all arrived, I have been away from you for only a night or two here or there. Your father and I actually went on a vacation for a week when Mercedes was almost two (and Lexi was in my tummy!), and it was a fun but LONG week. We both missed her terribly. Lexi, the longest I’ve been separated from you was two nights in a row, and my baby, Holden – the longest I’ve ever been apart from you was one night at a time! So me being gone for an entire week was truly something new. For me, for you, and also for your father, who was alone with all three of you the entire time.

Of course I was nervous, and sad. I knew I would miss you all so much. And I did. I missed hugging you all goodbye in the morning and tucking you in at night. I missed hearing your little voices telling me all about your days. I missed seeing you guys giggling as you play with each other before dinner. I missed seeing whatever strange object Holden would insist on bringing in the car on the way to daycare. But I also had a great time – I was working of course, so I was busy, but it was also really nice to just be ME for a few days. To only be responsible for myself, and to not have to worry about bedtime and naptime and diapers and school lunches. It was a little taste of freedom, really. And I am not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed it. I know your father was tired by the end of the week (taking care of three kids is exhausting, even for two parents!) but he also had a blast spending some quality time with you all. Of course, he is an awesome dad all the time, but having to be responsible for everything for an entire week is a daunting task – three kids, a dog, a cat, fish, a house – it’s a heck of a lot of work. But he did great, and you all did great. I am happy that no one seemed to miss me TOO much (except probably Duke), and that everything went smoothly without me. And I am happy that you got to see that Mommy's life outside of being Mommy is important too.

So while you all had fun, and I enjoyed the week away, I am super happy to be back. It was wonderful to hear all about your week, see Lexi’s crazy hair in person again, see Mercedes’ brand-new loose tooth, and hear Holden’s first sentence upon seeing me again (“Hi Mommy! I nurse now please.”)

It’s good to be home.

Love,

Mama

P.S. In case you were wondering, this morning in the car on the way to daycare Holden insisted on bringing a Tupperware container that dispenses salad dressing :)

Mercedes - Happy 6th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes,

Today marks your sixth birthday – six years seems like an eternity in the day-to-day monotony of parenting… bathroom breaks and bad dreams and snack-fetching and lunch-making and never-ending-illness… But it also flew by in a flash of course. It seems to me that one day you were a helpless little nugget, relying almost solely on me for food, shelter, love and protection; and now you are a confident, independent, reading, walking, talking, sentient being. It amazes me how much you know and how quickly you learn; I love hearing about the new things you discover at school, and listening to the cheesy jokes you tell us. I love watching you find your footing as a reader and a writer – practicing your spelling, sounding out words, teaching me the meaning of the ever-important ellipsis. I love snuggling with you in your bed after you are all tucked in, while you tell me your grand plans for the next day, gesturing wildly with your hands (which I am sure you’ve learned from your mother). I love seeing your careful consideration when it comes to picking out clothes, or snacks, or how you detail EXACTLY what you want in your lunch bag the next day (always being mindful to include healthy fruits and vegetables!). I love watching you play with your siblings – making up elaborate, imaginative games with Lexi and being ever-patient of your rough-and-tumble brother (who happens to think the sun rises and sets on his ‘Cedes).

I am so proud of the wonderful little person you are and can’t wait to see what your very bright future holds. Thank you for making me a mother, and for teaching me more about myself and love and life than I ever thought possible.

Happy Birthday Shmeecee!

Love,

Mama

Alexis - JK Registration

Dear Lexi,

Last week I registered you for Junior Kindergarten. It was kind of anti-climactic – I mean, sorry middle-child, but I HAVE already done this before and I know the school well of course, since your sister goes there. That doesn’t mean that it was any less thrilling to me that in seven short months, I’ll have TWO full-time school kids. Mercedes is so excited to have you join her in the ranks of ‘big kid’ (although she isn’t thinking that through very carefully, since she clearly loves lording it over you currently that she goes to big girl school and you, most certainly do not) and you are counting down the days to being in ‘real’ school. 

We’ve already talked about how in the spring we’ll go and visit your school and see the classrooms from the perspective of student, instead of little sister. You’ve reminded me over and over again that you’ll pick out your own backpack and a lunch-bag just like the one Mercedes has because you’ll be bringing your own lunch when you are ‘big.’ I find it so endearing how excited you are (your sister was the same) and I can’t wait for you to fall in love with school the way she has (and the way I did, 30 years ago!)

It’s funny, because I look at you currently and picture Holden starting JK the year after you; he’ll be the exact same age that you are right now (3.75). I look at your bathroom skills and your dressing-independently skills and your alphabet recognition and your language and vocabulary, and it reassures me that he’ll do okay when the time comes. Because I have no concerns about you starting JK – none at all. You are a delightfully charming little girl. Feisty and spunky and independent, but also sweet and cooperative and considerate (particularly when not at home, ha). I realized just this week that you seem so much more grown up all of a sudden – the changes actually happen slowly of course; gradually you learn new things about the world and your place in it – but to me, it seems like there was an abrupt change in how you carry yourself, how you speak, how you interact with your siblings. You stand up for yourself a bit more with Mercedes. You are more tolerant and playful with Holden – viewing him as a playmate and a peer instead of a pesky baby competing for our attention. You have fewer completely irrational tantrums. You tell us delightful stories and while your voice is as tiny as ever, your pronunciation is clearer, more distinct.

It is these changes, small and big all at the same time, that make my heart ache. I am so excited to see you move on to this next phase of your life (an important one!); to see you become a full-time student and rediscover the joy of learning through another one of my children. But at the same time, I want to keep you tiny-voiced and big-haired and unabashedly affectionate and snuggly and feisty forever.  

Love,

Mama

Holden - Happy 2nd Birthday!

Dear Holden,

Tonight I will say goodnight to my one year old ‘baby’ for the final time – when you wake up in the morning, it will officially be your second birthday! It’s hard for me to express in words (despite being a writer and someone who deals almost exclusively in words!) how significant birthdays are to me. My parents have always done an excellent job of making my sister and I (Auntie Kimmy!) feel special on our birthdays, even as grown-ups, and it’s something that I always vowed to repeat when I had kids of my own. Of course, your birth occurring on Christmas Eve throws a bit of a wrench in to that, but I am hopeful that as you grow older and more aware, you will have the same fond memories of your birthdays that I do, despite sharing your special day with another occasion requiring family, festivities, and presents.

Beyond everything else, a birthday is a chance to reflect back on the past year and how you have changed, and how *I* as your mother have also changed. I won’t lie, I took your first birthday pretty hard. Knowing that you are definitely our final baby, and loving the infant stage so much, it was difficult to come to the realization that this was it – babyhood was officially OVER. Your second birthday is easier in that respect, but it still fills me with a sense of nostalgic sadness. I can VIVIDLY remember being super-duper-pregnant with you, settling into our then-new house in Barrie, eagerly anticipating your arrival. It seems hard to believe that it was so long ago, and yet also hard to believe that back then, I didn’t even know you! I loved you, of course, but I didn’t know you. I didn’t know about the adorable dimple in your cheek when you smile. I didn’t know about how deeply you’d adore your big sisters (especially ‘Cedes’ currently). I didn’t know how much you’d LOVE trucks, and fancy hats, and cats, and Toy Story, and building towers, and your ‘Eddy’, and how your fine, wispy hair would start growing in little curls around your ears. I didn’t know how much of an easy baby you’d be, and how we’d pay for that during the toddler years. I didn’t know how tiny and adorable your voice would be (sometimes I have difficulty telling you and Lexi apart!), and how loudly you’d voice your opinions when you were displeased. I didn’t know that you’d have to bring something new and strange to bed every night, and in the car every morning (toy cars, action figures, a Barbie boot, a construction book, stickers, a rubber ball, a set of erasers, a pair of sunglasses). Most of all, I had absolutely no clue how much I’d love you, and how fully and completely you’d capture my heart. It’s true what they say… there is a special bond that mothers and sons have. I love my girls, of course, beyond measure, and we have our own special bond. But there is something so sweet about a little boy’s love for his Mama, and how strong your sturdy arms feel when they hug me goodbye in the morning, and how earnest your kisses are, and how surprised and happy you sound when you see me come home from work and say “Hi! Hi Mommy!”

I am so thrilled to watch you grow, and so amazed that we get to be along for the ride. Happy second birthday Holders. We love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mama