Mercedes - Happy 12th Birthday!

 Dear Mercedes,

Happy 12th birthday to the person who forever changed me. My heart, my mind, my soul were forever altered the moment you entered this world. Becoming a mother, becoming YOUR mother, and learning together how to do this whole parenting thing has been the greatest joy of my life. There have been tears and worry and frustration and anger, but there has also been immense, overwhelming pride and joy at watching you grow into the amazing young person you are. 

Every year on your birthday I feel incredibly nostalgic for those days just before you were born - where I had no idea yet of the impact you would make on our lives. And then the early days of your life, where your father and I had absolutely NO idea what we were doing - we had no confidence in anything other than the undeniable fact of our love for you. I still tell you frequently that I have no idea how to parent someone of your age - you are the first, and as such, our greatest experiment. As you get older and begin to navigate the tween life - smartphones and social media and best friends and boyfriends and makeup - there is a constant worrying as to whether we are doing the right thing. Too permissive? Too strict? Can we actually count all the ways we are screwing up your future? But somehow, there you are - emerging as a smart, sensitive, funny, empathetic, and heartbreakingly beautiful (inside and out) girl, all on your own (although I do want to take some credit for the person you are growing into).

It's hard to believe that the extremely dependent, needy baby you were 12 years ago now doesn't need tucking in at night, and is binge-watching Grey's Anatomy and can stay up later than your parents and stay home alone and is nearly taller than me. It's happened so slowly but also all at the same time, this maturing and turning into someone who slowly needs our supervision and guidance less and less. I am not naïve - I know there are rocky years ahead (it's terrible planning that we will have three teenagers in this house at the same time) and there will be many, many more moments of tears and worry and frustration and anger. But I'm counting on those joyful moments and the strength of our relationship to carry us through. 

Happy birthday my daughter - I love you to the moon and back.

Mama

Holden - Happy 8th Birthday!

Dear Holden,

Happy 8^th birthday to the sweet little boy who I fell in love with from the very first moment. Not even the first moment I held you or laid eyes on you, but the first moment I knew you were there. I knew you were a boy without a doubt (although your father didn’t believe me) and I was so excited to meet the very best surprise gift of our lives.

Watching you grow and change this past year has been nothing short of wonderous – 2020 has been A YEAR. Almost a year into a global pandemic that is still going strong, I’ve been so surprised and amazed at how well you’ve all handled the upheaval in your lives (far better than many adults to be honest) – being out of school for six months, playgrounds closed, no summer camp, going back to school with masks and restrictions and distancing. Not seeing all of your friends, not doing karate, not hugging your grandparents for MONTHS. No movie theaters or escape rooms or indoor play spaces or summer vacation or Great Wolf Lodge. But through it all, you just keep smiling. You adjust and you embrace what you are allowed – you snuggle in close under the blankets and hug your cats and snowskate or snowboard with your father and love watching movies with your family. You play with your friends in class at recess and read Captain Underpants books in your bed and draw sharks over and over and tell us all about the great facts that Mystery Doug teaches you.

I am so proud to watch you grow – it’s hard to believe that it was already eight years ago that you calmly entered the world, in spectacular fashion befitting a Christmas Eve birthday. But on the other hand, it’s so difficult for me to remember a time when we didn’t have the magical little boy that completes our family. I am sorry that this year’s birthday celebration won’t be quite as elaborate as I usually aim for – no big family dinner, no birthday party with friends. But as you said “It’s still going to be a fun birthday with my family!” – we’ll still order sushi and have cake and open presents and let you be the star of the day and I’ll retell your birth story and we’ll look at pictures of the giant baby that I somehow grew all those years ago.

Keep on smiling with those freckled, dimpled cheeks that melt my heart every time – and please don’t ever stop being my little boy. No matter how much you grow, you will always, always be the boy that forever stole my heart.

Love,

Mama

First Day of School 2020

Well, we made it through the longest March Break in history! On Friday March 13^th, you all attended the school’s dance-a-thon – glow sticks and snacks and dancing with your friends. And then you headed off home for what we thought would be a week of March Break, followed by a two-week closure of schools to allow for some quarantine time due to Covid-19. And then you never returned. The province-wide closure was extended, multiple times, and optional online learning programs were put into place.

And now, six months later, you’ve finally returned to school! It’s a return to school unlike any we’ve ever seen or anticipated, but I have full faith in your school’s administration, teachers and staff to make the absolute best lemonade out of this massive pile of lemons. There are a lot of unknowns around what this school year looks like (or even how long it will last), but there are clearly important differences already. 

Mandatory masks. Assigned seating and social distancing wherever possible. Directional arrows on doors and in hallways. Strict cohorts (classes) and no mingling with other cohorts. Assigned places for cohorts during outdoor time. No parents allowed on school property or in the school. Gym and library closed. No field trips, visitors, extra-curriculars, assemblies. It sounds overwhelming and frankly, scary and sad. But as I saw today when I dropped you all off for your first day, your teachers will make the best of it. And if this global pandemic has taught us all anything (including your mother, who REALLY likes to plan ahead) – it’s that we need to be flexible and take what life throws at us and make the best of it; and that we are all, children included, MUCH more resilient and adaptable than we ever thought.

I can’t wait to hear what the day holds and how the year unfolds. I am so happy that we’ve managed a (hopefully safe-ish) return to in-person learning, but I am so beyond grateful that I’ve had the last six months here at home with you (and your father, who only returned to work a couple of weeks ago). It’s been frustrating and boring and lonely and overwhelming at times, but it’s also been amazing to spend so much time together as a family – I can’t think of any people I’d rather be in lockdown with.

Here’s to a weird but wonderful year of Grades 3, 4 and 6. You’ve got this!

Love,

Mama

Happy Last Day of (Online) School

It is hard to believe that this school year has come to a close already – particularly since you haven’t actually been in school since March 13! 2020 is now half over and it has been one for the history books. You may not realize the significance right now, but one day you will look back on 2020 and this time spent on lockdown and realize the global, unprecedented nature of what we’ve all lived through.

In early 2020, reports of a new global pandemic began circulating. And by the middle of March, the entire world shut down. At one point 80% of the world’s children were NOT in physical school. Entire countries are on lockdown, borders closed, stock and gas prices plummeted, store shelves were empty of non-perishable foods and toilet paper, all public gatherings (including weddings and funerals) were banned, playgrounds closed, professional sports teams cancelled the season, hand sanitizer and Lysol wipes are still incredibly difficult to find, people are wearing masks everywhere. 

It’s been a wild ride and we aren’t over it yet. While currently our region is in Stage 2 (meaning certain things can open again – like restaurant patios and salons – with certain health/cleaning/distancing protocols in place), our province is still under a State of Emergency and there continue to be new cases of Covid-19 reported every day.

On Thursday March 12^th, one day before the scheduled last day of school before March break, the government announced that schools would close AFTER March break for a two-week period. And then they extended the shutdown. And then they announced online/distance learning resources to help support students in the interim. And then they extended the shutdown again and teachers officially began teaching via distance learning. And then they called the year.

I have been struggling a bit with how much you all have missed out on this year – truthfully, maybe I am struggling with it a bit more than you all seem to be. End of year parties, the school Fun Fair, yearbooks, saying goodbye to daycare after all of these years – and of course all of the wonderful teachers and friends you haven’t gotten to see every day. I commend your teachers for being so amazing and flexible and compassionate during this difficult time, but online learning for an hour a day just does not replace the immense value you get from being in school. Luckily, you all have an easy time with school and you took on online challenges with relative ease. We had some bumps in the road, and some days where no one felt like ‘school’ but overall, you have all been rockstars and I am so proud. I am also so thankful that your father has been off work this entire time to help you, leaving me free to focus on my (new) job, working entirely from home shut away in our bedroom.

So while I am sad that you have missed so much, I am also so grateful that we’ve gotten to spend this time together. I am working, but there is no long commute and thankfully I can take breaks when I need to. We will be together at least until the end of summer, meaning nearly six months of us all being at home together. It’s hard and challenging and frustrating and isolating and lonely at times – for all of us – but it’s also so, so wonderful to be able to spend so much time together. A strange gift in strange times.

We still have no idea what the next school year will look like or what it will hold for you all, but I know now, without a doubt, that whatever comes your way you will all handle it with the amazing resilience you’ve shown so far. I couldn’t be prouder. Onwards and upwards to Grades 3, 4 and 6!

Love,

Mama

Lexi - Happy 9th (lockdown) Birthday!

Dear Lexi,

Happy 9^th birthday! This year’s celebration is quite different from previous birthdays… no going out to a restaurant, no big family gathering, no birthday party with your friends. No one ever anticipated a global pandemic in 2020, and our family has effectively been on lockdown for over two months now.

Despite the fact that we can’t celebrate exactly the way you would have liked, you have taken all of these obstacles in stride and we are making the best of it. I have the afternoon off work so we can play in the sunshine and bake your double-chocolate birthday cake together. We’ll order sushi and rent a movie of your choice (Scoobs is the winner I believe). We’ll have presents and calls from friends and family and the most gorgeous day of the year, weather-wise, just for my little ray of sunshine.

As always, it’s such a pleasure watching you grow and mature. You have become quite a little artist – painting numerous animal pictures and inspirational quotes and nature scenes while on lockdown. You absolutely love scooter-ing outside while your siblings are skateboarding, you still obsessively love your Pengwee stuffed animal, and you eat most things (especially sweet things) with voracious pleasure. Actually, that’s how you live most of your life – voraciously. You smile big and hug hard (like a small hurricane coming at you) and laugh loudly and bounce when you talk, and I couldn’t love you more for it. You still love colourful clothes and everything bright and it makes ME feel bright just to look at you.

Thank you for being such a shining star of love and light – our crazy Middle makes our world shine and we wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait to see what this next year, and all the years beyond, hold for you.

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - Happy 11th Birthday!

Happy 11th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes, 

Today, you turn eleven! Last year felt like such an incredible milestone to me – an entire decade. And that seems like it was just yesterday. How is it possible that you change and grow so much – yearly, monthly, weekly… sometimes even daily. It is constantly surprising to me how grown up you seem – staying home alone, owning your own phone, calling your friends, making your lunch. It’s a joy to watch you mature into such a fantastic young lady; I actually really love spending time with you and having grown up conversations and laughing at your quick wit.

You are constantly dancing to TikTok videos, watching the same shows on Netflix over and over, taking over my Spotify playlist whenever we are in the car, singing wherever you go. You are writing in a journal every night now, and reading in your bed before lights out, and talking to yourself in the shower. You love your friends fiercely and you get along so well with your siblings that even their friends invite you to their birthday parties! You love understated colors and picking out new outfits and asked for a gift card for your birthday to buy home décor, because well, isn’t that what all eleven-year-olds want?

Apart from how beautiful and funny and smart you are, I love you the most because you are kind and considerate and thoughtful – when I realize how much of a sweet personality you have I feel proud, because maybe, just maybe, these past eleven years of parenting experiments have somehow managed to work out just fine 😊

Keep on being the beautiful (inside and out) person that you are – I can’t wait to see what the next eleven years hold.

Love, 

Mama

Holden - Happy 7th Birthday!

Dear Holden,

Having my baby turn another year older is always so bittersweet. I remember so many tiny details around my pregnancy with you, your birth, your first year – I was so aware of the fact that you were (100% most definitely!) my last baby, and I tried my very best to soak in every experience (even while running after two other kids, one of them being Lexi as a toddler). So to think that my once-tiny baby, with the sweet, high-pitched voice and chubby cheeks, is SEVEN is pretty mind-boggling.

You have changed so much this past year, although of course, I still see so many glimpses of that same sweet little baby boy – the unruly curly hair if I wait too long to get your haircut, the frequent “Mommy, I love you,” the tight hugs, the adorable giggles with your sisters, the ability you have to just put yourself to sleep whenever and wherever you feel like it. But now you read, everything. You teach me about math and patterns and oceans and sharks. You are better at video games than I will ever be and you can pick out makes and models of cars from quite a distance away. You can watch Home Alone or Fast and the Furious over and over and over again. You request your own songs during our Friday night dance parties. You still LOVE sushi and fight with your Uncle Matt over all of the salmon sashimi. You put away your own laundry, help clean the kitchen, pack/unpack your school bag. I have especially loved seeing you bloom in karate this year – you were a little hesitant when you started but you have totally blossomed there. It is such a pleasure watching you listen patiently, follow instructions, get stronger, learn new moves and most of all of course, have such an amazingly fun time. Your instructors all say that you are a joy to have in class, and your father and I find it such a thrill to just watch you participate and love it so much.

You are doing so well in school, which is another not-so-small delight for me. I was worried about you at the start of the year because you were put in a Grade 2/3 split class and being the absolute youngest of the Grade 2s I was concerned you might get a bit lost. But during the annual reorganization, they actually moved you to a Grade 1/2 split, which is a much better fit. The teacher is lovely, you are with great kids, and you have learned so much just in the first few months of the school year. Your reading has exploded, and your printing and spelling have taken off as well. It’s always such a relief when I see you adjusting to change and new surroundings with ease.

Above all else, you remain our wonderful Class Clown. You still say funny things to make us all laugh – except now the jokes are just a little more sophisticated and mature. As I say to you frequently – you are my very favourite little boy in the whole entire world. And no matter HOW old you get, that fact will remain true.

Happy birthday my sweet bugs – love you to the moon and back times infinity.

Love,

Mama