Mercedes - Happy 6th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes,

Today marks your sixth birthday – six years seems like an eternity in the day-to-day monotony of parenting… bathroom breaks and bad dreams and snack-fetching and lunch-making and never-ending-illness… But it also flew by in a flash of course. It seems to me that one day you were a helpless little nugget, relying almost solely on me for food, shelter, love and protection; and now you are a confident, independent, reading, walking, talking, sentient being. It amazes me how much you know and how quickly you learn; I love hearing about the new things you discover at school, and listening to the cheesy jokes you tell us. I love watching you find your footing as a reader and a writer – practicing your spelling, sounding out words, teaching me the meaning of the ever-important ellipsis. I love snuggling with you in your bed after you are all tucked in, while you tell me your grand plans for the next day, gesturing wildly with your hands (which I am sure you’ve learned from your mother). I love seeing your careful consideration when it comes to picking out clothes, or snacks, or how you detail EXACTLY what you want in your lunch bag the next day (always being mindful to include healthy fruits and vegetables!). I love watching you play with your siblings – making up elaborate, imaginative games with Lexi and being ever-patient of your rough-and-tumble brother (who happens to think the sun rises and sets on his ‘Cedes).

I am so proud of the wonderful little person you are and can’t wait to see what your very bright future holds. Thank you for making me a mother, and for teaching me more about myself and love and life than I ever thought possible.

Happy Birthday Shmeecee!

Love,

Mama

Alexis - JK Registration

Dear Lexi,

Last week I registered you for Junior Kindergarten. It was kind of anti-climactic – I mean, sorry middle-child, but I HAVE already done this before and I know the school well of course, since your sister goes there. That doesn’t mean that it was any less thrilling to me that in seven short months, I’ll have TWO full-time school kids. Mercedes is so excited to have you join her in the ranks of ‘big kid’ (although she isn’t thinking that through very carefully, since she clearly loves lording it over you currently that she goes to big girl school and you, most certainly do not) and you are counting down the days to being in ‘real’ school. 

We’ve already talked about how in the spring we’ll go and visit your school and see the classrooms from the perspective of student, instead of little sister. You’ve reminded me over and over again that you’ll pick out your own backpack and a lunch-bag just like the one Mercedes has because you’ll be bringing your own lunch when you are ‘big.’ I find it so endearing how excited you are (your sister was the same) and I can’t wait for you to fall in love with school the way she has (and the way I did, 30 years ago!)

It’s funny, because I look at you currently and picture Holden starting JK the year after you; he’ll be the exact same age that you are right now (3.75). I look at your bathroom skills and your dressing-independently skills and your alphabet recognition and your language and vocabulary, and it reassures me that he’ll do okay when the time comes. Because I have no concerns about you starting JK – none at all. You are a delightfully charming little girl. Feisty and spunky and independent, but also sweet and cooperative and considerate (particularly when not at home, ha). I realized just this week that you seem so much more grown up all of a sudden – the changes actually happen slowly of course; gradually you learn new things about the world and your place in it – but to me, it seems like there was an abrupt change in how you carry yourself, how you speak, how you interact with your siblings. You stand up for yourself a bit more with Mercedes. You are more tolerant and playful with Holden – viewing him as a playmate and a peer instead of a pesky baby competing for our attention. You have fewer completely irrational tantrums. You tell us delightful stories and while your voice is as tiny as ever, your pronunciation is clearer, more distinct.

It is these changes, small and big all at the same time, that make my heart ache. I am so excited to see you move on to this next phase of your life (an important one!); to see you become a full-time student and rediscover the joy of learning through another one of my children. But at the same time, I want to keep you tiny-voiced and big-haired and unabashedly affectionate and snuggly and feisty forever.  

Love,

Mama

Holden - Happy 2nd Birthday!

Dear Holden,

Tonight I will say goodnight to my one year old ‘baby’ for the final time – when you wake up in the morning, it will officially be your second birthday! It’s hard for me to express in words (despite being a writer and someone who deals almost exclusively in words!) how significant birthdays are to me. My parents have always done an excellent job of making my sister and I (Auntie Kimmy!) feel special on our birthdays, even as grown-ups, and it’s something that I always vowed to repeat when I had kids of my own. Of course, your birth occurring on Christmas Eve throws a bit of a wrench in to that, but I am hopeful that as you grow older and more aware, you will have the same fond memories of your birthdays that I do, despite sharing your special day with another occasion requiring family, festivities, and presents.

Beyond everything else, a birthday is a chance to reflect back on the past year and how you have changed, and how *I* as your mother have also changed. I won’t lie, I took your first birthday pretty hard. Knowing that you are definitely our final baby, and loving the infant stage so much, it was difficult to come to the realization that this was it – babyhood was officially OVER. Your second birthday is easier in that respect, but it still fills me with a sense of nostalgic sadness. I can VIVIDLY remember being super-duper-pregnant with you, settling into our then-new house in Barrie, eagerly anticipating your arrival. It seems hard to believe that it was so long ago, and yet also hard to believe that back then, I didn’t even know you! I loved you, of course, but I didn’t know you. I didn’t know about the adorable dimple in your cheek when you smile. I didn’t know about how deeply you’d adore your big sisters (especially ‘Cedes’ currently). I didn’t know how much you’d LOVE trucks, and fancy hats, and cats, and Toy Story, and building towers, and your ‘Eddy’, and how your fine, wispy hair would start growing in little curls around your ears. I didn’t know how much of an easy baby you’d be, and how we’d pay for that during the toddler years. I didn’t know how tiny and adorable your voice would be (sometimes I have difficulty telling you and Lexi apart!), and how loudly you’d voice your opinions when you were displeased. I didn’t know that you’d have to bring something new and strange to bed every night, and in the car every morning (toy cars, action figures, a Barbie boot, a construction book, stickers, a rubber ball, a set of erasers, a pair of sunglasses). Most of all, I had absolutely no clue how much I’d love you, and how fully and completely you’d capture my heart. It’s true what they say… there is a special bond that mothers and sons have. I love my girls, of course, beyond measure, and we have our own special bond. But there is something so sweet about a little boy’s love for his Mama, and how strong your sturdy arms feel when they hug me goodbye in the morning, and how earnest your kisses are, and how surprised and happy you sound when you see me come home from work and say “Hi! Hi Mommy!”

I am so thrilled to watch you grow, and so amazed that we get to be along for the ride. Happy second birthday Holders. We love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mama

Mercedes - 5 years and 9 months old

Dear Mercedes,

This week you brought home your first progress report of Senior Kindergarten, and we had an opportunity to discuss your work so far with your teachers as part of a ‘student-led conference’. Gone are the days of stuffy parent-teacher interviews that list all of your strengths and weaknesses. Instead we had the opportunity to have YOU lead us around your classroom, show us the different workstations, demonstrate the type of activities you do on a regular basis, provide us examples of some of your work to date… it was awesome! Of course, there was also the opportunity to speak with your teachers, and as your progress report said that you were easily meeting all expectations, I didn’t expect your teachers to tell me anything differently in person.

They told me you were “delightful” and “a pleasure to have in the class” – they said that you are helpful and considerate and love to assist with the JKs whenever needed; they said that you were quiet and often shy, but that it hasn’t hampered your social skills at all. You have a lot of friends, as we can see wherever you go (judging by the frequent chorus of “Mercedes! Hi Mercedes!” whenever you enter a room). You are constantly writing (duh) and doing fantastically great with your reading. They said they just loved having you in the class and seeing you blossom, and of course, we are so thrilled at how you are doing. Academic achievement is not the most important thing, although of course, it’s great to see; but it’s so nice to see your other skills growing – empathy and kindness and friendship and attentiveness. 

We are so proud of the wonderful person you are growing up to be. It is hard to believe sometimes that you will be six in only three short months, but as I reflect on the way you speak, and the things you converse with us about, and the awareness of your world you are quickly gaining, it isn’t that hard to imagine. I love how perceptive and analytical and straightforward you can be, but also that you are still so sweet and snuggly and funny. I love lying down with you in your bed a couple of times a week after Daddy has tucked you in – we chat about whatever you feel like chatting about and snuggle, and it leaves me feeling peaceful and whole. I love how you absolutely dote on your baby brother – giving him what he wants so that he doesn’t cry, watching out for his safety, hardly complaining when he football-tackles you to the ground. I love the special bond that you and Lexi have – making up complex, imaginative games to play together, snuggling on the floor-bed, laughing hysterically at her crazy antics at the dinner table. I love seeing your father reflected in so much of your personality – watching you two play board games and laugh at the same Christmas movies and become obsessed with Pokemon together.

It’s a joy to watch you grow into yourself – we love you muchly Shmeecee.

Love,

Mama

Holden - 21 months

Dear Holden,

This past month has been an interesting one for you! At the end of September, we went to see a pediatrician to discuss the ‘episodes’ that you’ve had previously (blue lips, lethargy, fever spike) when you were sick. I mentioned previously that you ended up in the hospital once, seriously dehydrated from a bout of strep throat, a raging double ear infection and the beginning crackles of pneumonia. That was your first incidence of blue lips, and it scared the crap out of us. You've since had a few more episodes, which always ended fairly quickly, but of course, were quite frightening while they were happening. Thanks to an abnormal x-ray result and the repeated occurrence of these episodes, we saw the pediatrician to discuss a diagnosis and next steps.

Her diagnosis was asthma. Not a severe case, since you never really actually seem to struggle to breathe, but clearly there are some viral-induced issues present in your little lungs. She seems to think it’s a good possibility you will grow out of it, as your lungs grow and you mature, but we need to work to treat it now so it gets better and not worse. Thankfully, you do not currently face a chronic treatment plan – instead, we have a steroid puffer that we’ll give to you for two full weeks whenever you first show signs of a cold. This should hopefully help to eliminate any symptoms your troubled lungs throw at us (namely, those worrisome blue lips!), but if not, we also have an as-needed puffer that is a bronchial dilator to open up your airways should you run into trouble. Cold and flu season is upon us, so we’ll get to test these out shortly I assume. The doctor will be following up with us regularly at the Pediatric Asthma Clinic at the hospital (we have our first appointment there in a few weeks), changing your ‘action plan’ as we figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.

In addition to addressing the lung issues, Dr. Hansen was also troubled by your snoring (and potential mild sleep apnea) and heavy breathing. That’s upper respiratory, not lower respiratory (as asthma and abnormal lung x-rays are). She referred us to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor (ENT), who we met with yesterday for the first time. The ENT said that your tonsils are quite enlarged, and this is likely a very clear explanation for your heavy breathing and snoring issues, and could quite possibly also explain ear infections, throat infections and of course, those dreaded blue lips episodes! When you are ill, your tonsils enlarge even further – pressing against each other and leaving little room for the mucous generated by a virus to pass through (the ‘mucous flap’ that more than one walk-in doctor mentioned to us as an explanation for the blue lips). She re-iterated that the upper respiratory and lower respiratory systems are obviously interconnected, and that if we remove the tonsils, it would help you breathe easier, help you sleep better (without snoring!), help reduce incidences of throat/ear infections, and hopefully reduce your viral-induced asthma symptoms and the blue lips episodes.

So, it seems pretty clear that removing your tonsils would be a good option – but man oh man, does it scare me. My logical brain knows that this is a fairly routine surgery (heck, I had it done when I was three years old!), and that young children bounce back from this remarkably quickly. I can see clearly that it will only benefit you, but it’s still such a scary thought to picture my sweet little boy put under general anesthesia, staying overnight in a hospital (with me there, thankfully!), forced to stay home for a week to recover, unable to eat the foods his big sisters are eating. I know the risks may be minimal, but as parents, our job is to reduce any chance of you hurting – and so it seems so counter-intuitive to hand you over to a surgeon so they can cut something out of you. We haven’t 100% decided yet, in part because I need some time to digest the idea of it and the logistics and further weigh the risks and benefits. But it seems likely that in the spring you will undergo the surgery, with your Mama there by your side. Good luck to all of us!

Love,

An always-protective Mama