Mercedes - Happy 9th Birthday!

Dear Mercedes,

Nine years ago tonight, I was in labour and nervous as hell. Excited to meet you, ecstatic at becoming a mother, scared that I would have absolutely no idea what to do, worried at all that you would face in your life, and overwhelmed at the intense emotion of this very important moment. No one forgets the instance they become a parent. The birth of your sister and brother were/are also unforgettable, but there is always something truly unbelievable and surreal surrounding the birth of your first child. You were born in that moment, but so was I.

And now, nine years later, I remain continually amazed at this incredible journey we are undertaking together. As you figure out how to navigate the world, I am figuring out how best to guide you. I make mistakes – plenty of them – but together I know we can manage. I am so proud of the wonderful girl you are growing into – smart, observant, considerate, sensitive, emotional, funny, shy, and kind of goofy – and so incredibly thankful to be your mom. I love watching you thoughtfully pick out clothes in the morning, read a book to the family, or work through a math book (for fun!) I love the love that you have for music, and how you can listen to the same song over and over and over again (I wonder where you get that from…), and the way you dance with abandon. I love watching you conquer your fears at gymnastics, and make new friends, and call Caitlyn to discuss toys and how your day at school was even though you literally JUST saw each other an hour before.

For the first time, I am missing your birthday and although it was unavoidable and not my first choice, I still feel terribly guilty about it. I wish that I could be there to see your face in the morning and give you birthday hugs – but one day late is not going to be the topic of therapy years from now I hope?

Above all else, I am still nervous, just like I was nine years ago, only now I am worried about tween things – social media and mean girls and bullying and puberty. But just like then, I know that no matter how surreal it may seem to be your mother, it is also wonderfully amazing. And I know that we’ll always be just fine.

Love,

Mama